The following is a discussion of Halachic topics related to the Parsha of the week.
For final rulings, consult your Rav.
RECITING SHEVA BERACHOS: LAWS and CUSTOMS
Before Birkas ha-Mazon is about to be recited, two cups of wine(1) or grape
juice are prepared. Since two separate mitzvos are about to be fulfilled -
Birkas ha-Mazon and Sheva Berachos - two kosos shel berachah are used. To
use one kos for both mitzvos would violate the Talmudic principle of ain
osin mitzvos chavilos chavilos, lit., mitzvos should not be "bundled
together". Indeed, some poskim hold that in order to properly comply with
this rule, the second cup - the one over which Sheva Berachos will be
recited - should not even be filled at the same time as the first. Rather,
the first cup should be filled before Birkas ha-mazon and the other should
be filled before the Sheva Berachos are recited(2). While other poskim(3)
disagree and allow both cups to be filled at the same time before Birkas
ha-Mazon(4) - and this is the more prevalent custom(5) - it is recommended
by some poskim(6) that each cup be filled by a different person so it does
not appear as if the two mitzvos are being lumped together(7).
Both cups should hold at least a revi'is, approx. 3.3 fl. oz., but no
matter how large the cup is, it should be filled to the top(8).
When a silver wine cup (becher) or a crystal wine goblet is available,
paper or plastic cups may not be used(9). L'chatchilah, the becher or goblet
should not be chipped, cracked or wobbly, neither the rim, the stem, nor the
base. But if nothing else is available, a flawed cup may be used(10).
[If wine or grape juice are not available, any other beverage which is
considered chamar medinah(11) may be substituted(12). If there is enough
wine or grape juice for only one cup, it should be used for Birkas ha-Mazon
and the chamar medinah is used for the second cup. If there is enough wine,
grape juice or chamar medinah for only one cup, both the Birkas ha-Mazon and
the Sheva Berachos are recited over that one cup. According to many poskim,
Sheva Berachos may be recited even in the absence of any beverage(13).]
It is a hiddur mitzvah that both cups be of similar size and quality(14).
When two similar cups are not available, the bigger and more valuable cup
should be used for Birkas ha-Mazon and the lesser one for Sheva
The liturgical poem Devai haser is recited before Birkas ha-Mazon as part
of the Zimun. [There are conflicting customs as to whether or not Devai
haser is recited on Shabbos.] During the Zimun, the words ha-Simchah
bi'meono are added(16).
After Birkas ha-Mazon is completed(17), the first wine cup that was used
for Birkas ha-Mazon is placed on the table but is not drunk from yet. Sheva
Berachos are then recited over the second cup. If several people are
reciting the Sheva Berachos, as is customary, the cup is handed from one
person to the next. The blessing of Borei pri ha-gefen is recited last so as
not to prolong the pause between the blessing and the drinking of the wine
which follows. But if, by mistake Borei pri ha-gefen was recited first(18),
the other six berachos are recited and then the cups of wine are drunk.
Similarly, if any of the Sheva Berachos was recited out of order, it does
Although some poskim are critical of the practice(20), it is customary for
the guests to join in singing aloud parts of the Asher bara blessing.
At the conclusion of the six berachos, Borei pri ha-gafen is recited by the
person who led the Birkas ha-Mazon. He should have kavanah (intent) to be
motzi all those who are present so that they can drink without reciting
their own Borei pri ha-gefen. He then drinks at least a cheekful (1.7 fl.
oz.) from the first cup. [It is preferable that he drink an entire revi'is
so that he meets the requirement for reciting Al ha-gefen.]
Since it is appropriate and customary to drink from the second cup as
well(21), the Borei pri ha-gefen which was recited over the first cup covers
the second cup too(22). Furthermore, it is a long-standing and commonly
practiced minhag yisrael(23) that the chasan and kallah(24) [and, very
often, many of the guests(25)] drink a bit of wine from each of the two cups
after mixing wine from both cups into a third cup. The mixture is divided
into two cups, one for the chasan and one for the kallah, and they, in turn,
pass their cups around to the rest of the men and women respectively.
There are conflicting opinions about when the wine should be mixed: some
hold that in order to avoid the problem of kos pagum, the wine should be
mixed before anyone drinks from either cup(26). Others hold that it should
be mixed after some wine was drunk from the first cup(27). The kos pagum
problem can then be rectified by adding some wine from the bottle into the
third cup before it is passed around(28).
When the Sheva Berachos ceremony takes place during Seudah Shlishis on
Shabbos [or Yom Tov] and Birkas ha-Mazon is completed after sunset but
during bein hashemashos(29), the regular procedure is followed(30). But if
Birkas ha-Mazon is not over until nightfall, drinking the wine becomes a
problem since no beverages may be drunk after nightfall until Havdallah is
recited. There are many different opinions about the correct procedure under
these circumstances and one should follow his custom or the directive of his
rav. Harav M. Feinstein ruled that only the chasan and kallah should drink,
and between them, they should consume no more than a cheekful from both cups
1 Red wine is preferable.
2 Chochmas Adam 7; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 149:1.
3 Taz E.H. 62:7; Kaf ha-Chayim O.C. 190:1.
4 Before washing mayim acharonim.
5 Sova Semachos 4:7. There are, however, some communities who follow the
first view and fill the second cup after Birkas ha-Mazon.
6 Eizer mi-Kodesh E.H. 62; Maharam Shick O.C. 64.
7 Kaf ha-Chayim 190:1 writes that the second cup should not be placed in
front of the person who is leading Birkas ha-Mazon, but rather in front of
the person who is going to recite the [first of the] Sheva Berachos.
8 Rama O.C. 182:2. It need not, however, be filled to overflowing; see
Mishnah Berurah 9 and Emes l'Yaakov 183:2.
9 Igros Moshe O.C. 3:39.
10 Mishnah Berurah 183:11.
11 See The Weekly Halachah Discussion, pg. 384.
12 A she'hakol, though, is recited instead of ha-gafen.
13 Sova Semachos 4:5.
14 Eizer mi-Kodesh E.H. 62.
15 Harav M. Feinstein (Oholei Yeshurun 5:3).
16 Ha-simchah bi'meono is added whenever guests are invited to a meal in
honor of a chasan and kallah, even when Sheva Berachos are not recited,
e.g., when the last Sheva Berachos ends after sunset of the seventh day;
when only three people ate bread; when no Panim chadashos participated.
17 The person leading the Birkas ha-Mazon may not speak until after he
drinks the wine upon concluding Sheva Berachos; Mishnah Berurah 183:21.
18 This is a common mistake, since under the chupah, Borei pri ha-gefen is
19 Chochmas Adam 129:8.
20 See Sova Semachos 4:26 based on Mishnah Berurah 65:4.
21 Since six berachos were recited over it.
22 In some communities, a separate Borei pri ha-gefen is recited over the
23 Dating back to the days of the early Rishonim. See Igros Moshe O.C.
4:69-1 who explains the origin of this minhag.
24 Since the Sheva Berachos ceremony is being held in their honor, it is
fitting that they partake of the wine. They are, however, under no halachic
obligation to partake.
25 Since it is a mitzvah min hamuvchar to partake of any kos shel berachah.
Whoever drinks the wine should not speak until after he has drunk. If he
did, he must recite his own Borei pri ha-gefen.
26 Kaf ha-Chayim 190:1. When pouring wine from the two cups into a third,
one should be careful to leave at least a revi'is in the original cups
(based on Mishnah Berurah 271:51).
27 Aruch ha-Shulchan E.H. 62:18.
28 S'dei Chemed (Pe'as ha-Sadeh, Berachos 31) quoting the Aderet. A
suggested procedure is as follows: After drinking a revi'is from the first
cup, part of the second cup is poured into the first cup, thus mixing the
wines and rectifying the kos pagum problem at the same time. Part of the
wine in this [first] cup is then poured back into the second cup, resulting
in two cups of mixed wines which can now be given to the chasan and kallah.
29 Depending on the various opinions and on the locality, bein hashemashos
could be anywhere from 9 minutes to 30 minutes past sunset.
30 Mishnah Berurah 299:14 and Sha'ar ha-Tziyun 24. If, however, the wedding
took place on Sunday [before sunset] the Sheva Berachos must be recited
31 Igros Moshe O.C. 4:69-1. See also Oholei Yeshurun 5:15.