Torah.org Home Subscribe Services Support Us
 
Print Version

Email this article to a friend

Truthfulness With a Shadchan

QUESTION 57: TRUTHFULNESS WITH A SHADCHAN

How truthful must one be when talking to a shadchan (match-maker) - or anyone helping to find a shidduch (match) - about the age of a person? Is there a distinction here between what men and women can say? For example, if a woman says she's 33, won't people automatically assume she's a bit older, so isn't 'being honest' really giving the wrong information? If understating is allowed at times, at what point should the person being dated be told the truth? How about regarding information regarding yichus (family), or medical history?

RABBI BELSKY

There is a whole discussion devoted to this topic, in the second section of the Chafetz Chaim. How much information do we give? Sometimes we can't reveal everything, because doing so may risk invalidating the person immediately. People do assume that everything that's told to them is inflated. If you say a person is 31, the listener may think it most probably means 35. If you say they have this and this fault, the listener will think it's much worse than it is. Therefore, if you want to present the 'truth', you could subtract a little from the information.

Downplay everything, unless it's an alarming characteristic. Issues are typically exaggerated and inflated. Certainly if you make it into an issue they'll exaggerate and inflate it even more. Always remember, however, that the goal is to convey an honest picture.


NEXT WEEK'S QUESTION 58: RETURNING A BORROWED BOOK

If I borrow a book from someone, and both of us forget about it, is that a transgression? How much an obligation do I have to go through my bookshelves to find books that I borrowed, and return them? After a certain amount of time, let's say a year, can we assume the original owner has despaired of it, and that eliminates my need to return it? Can we assume that most people are fairly casual about this, or is it an area that people should be much more careful about?

Participate in the Honesty Forum, and discuss the issues we confront in this class!

Subscribe to Honesty and receive this class via e- mail.

Honesty Archives


Honesty, Copyright © 2002 by Rabbi Yisroel Belsky Shli"ta and Torah.org.


 

ARTICLES ON KI SISA AND PURIM:

View Complete List

Delving into the Megila
- 5774

Heads Up!
Shlomo Katz - 5766

From Calf to Cow
Rabbi Pinchas Winston - 5759

ArtScroll

Sneak Preview of Messianic Times
Rabbi Yissocher Frand - 5758

Personal Covenant
Shlomo Katz - 5758

Answering the Call
Rabbi Yissocher Frand - 5762

Looking for a Chavrusah?

Appreciating What We Have - While We Have It!
Rabbi Eliyahu Hoffmann - 5759

The Cause of the Pause
Rabbi Label Lam - 5771

A Community that Counts
Rabbi Yochanan Zweig - 5771

> Raise Your Head
Rabbi Berel Wein - 5772

Let Us Not Break Those Too!
Rabbi Label Lam - 5774

The Vulnerabilty of Emotional Doubt
Rabbi Pinchas Winston - 5773

Frumster - Orthodox Jewish Dating

The Debt
Shlomo Katz - 5774

Shabbat Precedes the Building of the Mishkan
Rabbi Berel Wein - 5771

Sign of a Jew
Rabbi Yaakov Menken - 5763

Feeling Inspired
Shlomo Katz - 5761



Project Genesis

Torah.org Home


Torah Portion

Jewish Law

Ethics

Texts

Learn the Basics

Seasons

Features

TORAHAUDIO

Ask The Rabbi

Knowledge Base




Help

About Us

Contact Us



Free Book on Geulah!




Torah.org Home
Torah.org HomeCapalon.com Copyright Information