Torah.org Home Subscribe Services Support Us
 
Print Version  Email this article to a friend
Mussar-Psych

A Special Series on Self Esteem #1

By Rabbi Ephraim D. Becker

Issue No. 12
August 5, 1998

Dear Readers,

Please join in an exploration of the issue of self-esteem. My response follows.

edb

********

Saul Behr [sbehr@mckq.co.za] wrote:

Rabbi Becker

I was wondering why almost everyone in the world suffers from some form of low self-esteem.

My wife suggested that it may be for the following reason:

We are all at least subconsciously aware of our obligations in this world to Hashem - Jews and non-Jews alike. And similarly, we feel that we are not fulfilling our obligations adequately. This sense of underperformance may be the root of our general sense of inadequacy... we are "no good" at keeping the Torah (on a deep subconscious level), and this is translated into low self-esteem in the more general sense.

I would very much like to know if there is a clear Torah perspective explaining why low self-esteem is such an widespread problem.

Many thanks.

Dear Saul,

Thank you for your question, for your wife's excellent suggestion, and for permission to use your question as an opportunity to explore what seems, indeed, to be a widespread phenomenon. Many writers have addressed the issue, perhaps most notably Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski in a number of books on the subject. I recognize the Chutzpah in my attempt to offer a Torah perspective on the issue, but, perhaps, with G-d's help, we can make a small contribution to the thinking on the matter. You may find that your wife has anticipated parts of what follows.

It seems (and Rav Volbe's writings tend to confirm that) there are two types of self esteem issues. One relates to a deficit of energy or will to move forward, to try new approaches, to rebound (and learn) from errors, and the like. Another, and seemingly opposite manifestation of the self esteem issue is unbridled forward energy and an inability to reckon or cope with the limitations posed by reality, either within the self our outside it.

The first type of self esteem issue is often identified with a lack of self-confidence, difficulty in making decisions, continuous guilt and dissatisfaction with the self. The second type is often characterized by a dissatisfaction with the world, as in irritation with the shortcomings of others, anger and dissatisfaction with authority, and even an inability to accept the realities of (and responsibility for) one's life.

If we could use an analogy of horse and rider, we might think of the horse as the pure forward energy of the person, his drive, his engine. The rider could be thought of as the director, the choices (in Hebrew, the Sechel) which govern (hopefully) the forward movement of the horse. (It is tempting to plug Freudian terms in to our horse and rider metaphor, but I'd like to resist the temptation to do so, with the thought that we can always come back and superimpose those terms on ours, but we may not be able to suggest to ways of thinking once the terms are fixed in place.)

The Yetzer Hara is developed, as we know from Torah sources, in childhood, and there begins the development of a strong (or weak) horse, with a well-established (or unestablished) relationship to a rider. Try to think of the child as pure energy (or horse, or Yetzer Hara) and the adult as the choosing rider. It doesn't always work out so neatly, often giving rise to low self-esteem.

Next time we'll attempt to understand how and why.

Best wishes,

Ephraim

Comments are welcome!


Previous Issue Next Issue
Back to archive index


 






ARTICLES ON DEVARIM AND THE THREE WEEKS:

View Complete List

Now I Know My Aleph-Bais
Rabbi Pinchas Winston - 5764

Striving to Succeed
Rabbi Pinchas Avruch - 5761

The Pathway to Consolation and Redemption
Rabbi Berel Wein - 5767

Looking for a Chavrusah?

Shabbos Chazon
Rabbi Pinchas Winston - 5762

A Day of Rebuilding
Rabbi Label Lam - 5761

Mourning on the 9th of Av: The Reasons
Rabbi Yehudah Prero - 5757

Frumster - Orthodox Jewish Dating

Hidden Yet Loving
Rabbi Yehudah Prero - 5758

Payment in Full
Rabbi Naftali Reich - 5769

Points to Ponder
Rabbi Yehudah Prero - 5757

> From Rock Bottom to Bottoms Up
Jon Erlbaum - 0

Don't Flaunt It
Rabbi Yissocher Frand - 5771

In Our Best Interest
Rabbi Elly Broch - 5764

ArtScroll

Fear Itself
Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky - 5758

Flight to Freedom
Rabbi Pinchas Avruch - 5763

Body Language
Rabbi Yochanan Zweig - 5771

Golden Opportunities
Rabbi Naftali Reich - 5772



Project Genesis

Torah.org Home


Torah Portion

Jewish Law

Ethics

Texts

Learn the Basics

Seasons

Features

TORAHAUDIO

Ask The Rabbi

Knowledge Base




Help

About Us

Contact Us



Free Book on Geulah!




Torah.org Home
Torah.org HomeCapalon.com Copyright Information