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The Way I See It The Way You See It

By Rabbi Raymond Beyda

When one drives in poor weather, visibility is hampered by rain, snow or salt on the windshield, which makes seeing the road clearly very difficult. As hard as one may try it is impossible to see things clearly. When one attempts to make a decision in which he or she is involved, seeing clearly is also impossible. A person sees life from one’s own perspective. One’s vision is blurred by personal prejudices, financial considerations and other factors that hamper a clear assessment of the situation. One has to realize that it is only human to see things not as they are -- but as we are. Our sages teach, “One does not see one’s own faults.” Simply put you will not see egg on your face until someone else points it out to you and you then look into a mirror.

Today when you are finding it difficult to agree about a matter in which you are involved personally ­ stop. Get another opinion. Consider that opinion carefully so that you really understand what the advisor is saying. It only takes a minute but it will give you an opportunity to see a situation from another angle where the view is free from rain and salt.


One who ate meat, and within six hours erroneously made a berakha [blessing] on a dairy food, should taste a small amount of the dairy product, in order to avoid reciting a blessing l'batala [in vain]. The same rule applies to one who mistakenly said a blessing on meat after Rosh Hodesh Av [in the nine days when eating meat is forbidden], or who recited a blessing on food or drink on one of the public fast days [except for Yom Kippur], or on Saturday night before reciting the Habdallah ­ one should taste a small amount to avoid the transgression of saying a blessing in vain. However, if one erroneously said a blessing on a food, which is forbidden to eat because it is not kosher ­ then one should not even taste the food at all. One must recite the phrase “Barukh, Shem k’bod malkhuto l’olam va-ed” [Source Yalkut Yosef, Volume 3, Siman 172:2].


The Mussar masters warn a man who delays getting married that he is risking his soul because he is tempted to sins of immorality but has no permissible outlet for his desires. All attempts he makes to fast or repent for sins of immoral behavior will be futile because he is probably going to repeat the same types of transgressions soon after repenting. One should know that after the age of 20 he is in great spiritual danger. Hizkiyahu the King of Israel was a righteous King who spread the word of Torah throughout the land, yet his failure to marry brought a decree of death upon him, even though his reluctance to marry was based on what he considered to be a valid reason. He saw in a prophetic type vision that his children would be wicked and so he refrained from getting married. The prophet Isaiah came to him with a message from G-d revealing that his punishment for staying single would be death and that he would also lose his portion in the World to Come. One should therefore find a mate and marry without delay.

Raymond J Beyda

Text Copyright © 2004 by Rabbi Raymond Beyda and



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