These divrei Torah were adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissocher Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly portion: #1312 – Lying About Someone’s Age When It Comes To Shidduchim. Good Shabbos!
It says in the beginning of Parshas Chayei Sarah, “Sarah died in Kiryat-Arba which is Hebron in the land of Canaan; and Avraham came to eulogize Sarah and to bewail her.” (Bereshis 23:2). The sefer Me’orei Ohr makes an interesting observation. In the entire Torah, there are only two hespedim (eulogies): One for Sora Imeinu and one for Yaakov Avinu. When Miriam died, a hesped is not mentioned. Likewise, when Aharon Hakohen died, the Torah says that “the entire House of Israel cried” but there is no mention of a hesped. Similarly, the Torah does not mention hespedim for Avraham or Yitzchak when they died. And again, although it says that the “House of Israel cried” for Moshe, there is no mention of a hesped.
Apparently, it was not such a common practice in Biblical times that hespedim were made when a person passed away. What then was so special about Sora that Avraham formally eulogized her?
A famous Gemara in Sanhedrin discusses whether hespedim are primarily for the honor of the living or for the honor of those who have departed. Clearly, in a hesped we speak of the fine attributes of the deceased – but why do we do that? Is it to honor the dead or perhaps it is because when people hear the hespedim, they become inspired to live more meritorious lives themselves? As Shlomo says, “It is preferable to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting.” (Koheles 7:2).
At funerals, we hear things about people that we don’t necessarily know about them. Invariably, when I walk out of a funeral after hearing the hespedim, I think to myself “You know, I never knew that about this person.” The purpose of hesped is to inform the audience who this deceased person was. Chazal say that the hesped that Avraham said for Sora was the chapter “A woman of valor who can find?” (Mishlei 31:10-31). That was the hesped, because if there was one defining attribute of Sora, it was that “Behold, she is in the tent.” (Bereshis 18:26). She was extremely tzanua (private). Therefore, we can assume that people really did not know much about Sora. It was not until her hesped that Avraham Avinu let the world know who she was.
The author of Me’orei Ohr cites an incident involving Rav Yeruchem Levovitz. He was once in a shtetel and he heard that an old woman who lived by herself passed away. He was told that there probably would not be a minyan at her levaya. Even though Rav Yeruchem didn’t know the woman, he figured that this was somewhat akin to a mes mitzvah (because no one would be at her funeral). Therefore, even though he didn’t know her, the great Mirer Mashgiach went to this lady’s levaya. To everyone’s surprise, there was a large gathering of people there. It turned out to be a tremendous levaya and even people from other cities came.
Initially, people could not figure out why so many people came. It eventually emerged that unbeknownst to almost anyone, this woman did acts of chessed for dozens and dozens of people. Everyone, however, thought that “I am the only one for whom she does this.” So everyone said “She was so good to us, she would take care of us, she would give us money and give us food… so I need to go to her levaya.” Rav Yeruchem Levovitz – the great Mashgiach – did not want to let this event pass without sharing the mussar message within it to his yeshiva talmidim (students) in the Mir.
He returned to the yeshiva and told them: It is the way of people to not hide things from the public that are not valuable. A person’s everyday silverware and dishes are never hidden away in a closet under lock and key. However, the fine china is stored behind the breakfront. The crystal gets hidden away even further and the gold is kept in the vault. We don’t want anyone to see that.
We hide the things that are most dear and precious to us. The most precious things to this woman were the things she did for other people. As a result of that, she hid them, like people hide gold and silver. This is what Rav Yeruchem learned from that story of the old woman in the shtetel.
That is why Avraham Avinu felt the necessity to eulogize Sora. Everybody knew Avraham. “You are a prince of Elokim in our midst…” (Bereshis 23:6). Yitzchak was also well known. When Yosef died “he was the ruler throughout the Land of Egypt.” Aharon and Moshe’s greatness were known throughout the “entire House of Israel.” Who needed to, and in fact, who would be able to say hespedim, on such great and well-known individuals?
However, Sora Imeinu’s greatness, because of her incredible tznius and privacy, was not as well known. Therefore, Avraham Avinu had to let the world know who she really was.
As far as the fact that Yaakov Avinu was also eulogized, the Me’orei Ohr explains that this was because Yaakov Avinu led a troubled life. He had to run away from his brother who wanted to kill him. He had to put up with a cheating father-in-law for twenty-plus years. He had the aggravation of the apparent loss of his beloved son, Yosef. Everyone looked at Yaakov Avinu and thought “Nebach, a troubled life.” That is why, this author suggests, there was also a necessity to eulogize Yaakov.
I think that perhaps there may be another reason why they said a hesped for Yaakov. The pasuk says “They came to Goren Ha’atad…” (Bereshis 50:10) The Gemara says that all the kings of Canaan took their crowns and put them on the coffin of Yaakov Avinu. Who was the hesped for? In that case, the hesped was for the benefit of the nations of the world. The “Jews” there were just Yaakov’s family, who already knew who he was. The purpose was so that everyone else should know who he was. In either event, there was a special necessity for saying a hesped in Yaakov’s case.
But the bottom line is that hespedim are needed when there is a special reason to let the world at large know who this person was. With Avraham, Yitzchak, Moshe, Aharon, and Dovid, there was not such a need. It was the same with the other Matriarchs. But the world needed to know about Sora: “A woman of valor who can find?” because of her exceptional attribute of tzniyus / privacy.
Transcribed by David Twersky; Jerusalem [email protected]
Technical Assistance by Dovid Hoffman; Baltimore, MD
This week’s write-up is adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissochar Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly Torah portion. A listing of the halachic portions for Parshas Chayei Sora is provided below:
- # 030 – The Shadchan in Halacha
- # 072 – Superstition in Halacha
- # 121 – The Jewish Cemetery
- # 168 – The Laws and Customs of the Hesped
- # 214 – Pilegesh: An Alternative to Marriage?
- # 258 – Intrusion on Another’s Shidduch
- # 304 – The “Mazik” of a Child: Is He Responsible?
- # 348 – Determining the Salary of the Shadchan
- # 392 – Purchasing a Burial Plot
- # 436 – Daughters: Shidduchim & Parental Wishes
- # 480 – Calling Off an Engagement
- # 524 – The Badekin
- # 568 – Feeding Your Animals
- # 612 – Dating Etiquette
- # 656 – Getting Paid for Mitzvos
- # 700 – More Mincha Insight
- # 744 – Turning 20: A Scary Birthday
- # 788 – Be Careful What You Ask For
- # 832 – Burying a Man Next to A Woman – Is This a Problem?
- # 876 – Kavanah in the First Bracha of Sh’monei Esrei
- # 920 – Shidduchim – Check Out the Brothers
- # 963 – Taking a Niftar to Eretz Yisroel: When Does Aveilus Begin…?
- #1007 – The Obligation to Marry Off Children: How Far Must You Go?
- #1051 – Fulfilling P’ru U’revu — With Boys or Girls
- #1094 – Oops! I Already Davened Mincha
- #1137 – I’ll Buy Your Esrog/Tefillin & Make You An Offer You Can’t Refuse
- #1180 – Shadchan Shailos
- #1224 – I Know She is Holding by Getting Engaged to Someone Else, But…
- #1268 – Should Rabbis Be Paid For Performing Weddings?
- #1312 – Lying About Someone’s Age When It Comes To Shidduchim
- #1356 – The Kallah Whose Bridal Veil Was So Thick The Witnesses Couldn’t See Who She Was
- #1400 – Shadchanus: Who Gets Paid? Person Who Had Idea or Person Who Made It Happen?
- #1444 – Father-in-Law and Son-in-Law With the Same Name? and Other Marriage Shailos
- #1488 – Visiting a sick person who has Corona or Other Contagious Diseases
- #1532 – Looking into a Shidduch – How Important is Family?
- (2022) – Breaking A Shidduch / Engagement
A complete catalogue can be ordered from the Yad Yechiel Institute, PO Box 511, Owings Mills MD 21117-0511. Call (410) 358-0416 or e-mail [email protected] or visit http://www.yadyechiel.org/ for further information.