And these are the generations (Toldos) of Yitzchok the son of Avraham; Avraham begot Yitzchok. (Breishis 25:19)
I walked into a noisy and raucous class this week and silently stood by the door. Immediately the students sat up and began to work quietly. After a short period of time, I sensed that this might be the teachable moment. I told them, “This is the week we learn about two brothers. One brother did his work quietly whether his father was in the room or not. The other brother, when his father was in the room, he acted like an angel, but the minute his father left the room, he went wild. We know their last names. One is Avinu and the other is HaRasha. I’m sure you can guess their first names.”
I scanned the room, pivoted, and left. The second I was standing in the hallway the room went wild and I realized a very important lesson. The best way to teach is not just to give a speech. If I really want them to “get it” there is more for me to do. Just because I said it, that doesn’t make it so.
My wife and I went to the Carlebach Shul in Manhattan a few years ago for a Shabbaton. It was Parshas Toldos. Shabbos morning the reader of the Torah was late in coming and so the Rabbi was stalling for time by peppering the crowd with brief but interesting Torah thoughts. It was not quite a speech and it was spontaneous so I was looking in a Sefer and listening with half an ear. Then he asked a question that tickled my interest slightly. How come Parshas Toldos is called, “Toldos”? It should rightfully be called “Yitzchok”. The Parsha begins, “Eleh toldos Yitzchok… These are the generations of Yitzchok…”. After all, Parshas Noach begins the same way, “Eleh toldos Noach… These are the generations of Noach” and the Parsha is titled “Noach”. So, either both should be Toldos or one should be Noach and the other should be Yitzchok. Why then is one Noach and the other one Toldos!?
Again, I was tickled by the question. Then the Rabbi dropped a diamond, not a dime, but a diamond! My eyes were opened to a very valuable insight. Noach was a grand historical personality. “These are the generation of Noach, Noach…”, but Noach produced Noach, alone! That’s a great accomplishment.
He is titled a perfect Tzadik in his time. He was a man, the man of that generation, of his time. So, he is the focus of that Parsha and it is therefore appropriate to call it after him, Noach!
When it comes to the Avos, Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov, the story is different. They may be fascinating personalities and it is terribly interesting to learn about them and from them, but it’s not about them. They didn’t live for themselves. They were walking in wet cement and paving the way for us, for all future generations. It’s not about them! It’s about Toldos! Good Jewish parents don’t live for themselves. They live for Toldos, but how so?!
And teach them to YOUR children to speak in them with your sitting in your house and with your going on the way and with your lying down and your rising up… (Devarim 11:19) The Chasam Sofer learns this verse which is scribed and scrolled and affixed to door after door throughout our homes, “And you should teach your children to speak in them” as an instruction in “how to”- accomplish that parental task. Children will learn mostly through observing the manner in which you sit in your house, go on your way, lie down and rise up. Those actions will speak volumes in volume. As one child told his parents, “Your actions are so loud I cannot hear what you are saying!” When both speech and action are congruous, though, then there can be a lasting educational impact.
One of the most valuable tools for teaching our own children and/or for teaching students is through both repetitive practice and by modeling. The teacher/parent has to show the way it’s done, and to be a living example of whatever lesson or behavior they would like to impart. I have had parents tell me proudly, “Rabbi, I push my kids!” I tell them, “Don’t push them! Pull them! When someone honks his horn behind you, do you want to go faster or slower? When a car zips past you, though, it’s hard to resist the temptation to speed up.”
So, in many ways, it may be true that more than parents are raising children, children are raising parents. Just that consciousness transforms us from regular characters roaming on the planet into Avos, living for Toldos!