Thus, we see that man is truly placed in the midst of a raging battlefield. For all matters of this world, whether for the good or for the bad, are trials (tests) for a man… – The Mesilas Yesharim
With Yom Kippur rapidly approaching we find ourselves in an awkward position. We would love to take this sacred opportunity to correct the mistakes we have made in the course of our lives. Classically, this involves a few necessary steps; 1) Sincerely regretting what was done 2) Admitting to HASHEM verbally 3) Accepting upon one’s self to never do it again. 4) In matters between man and man there is still a need to make reparations and ask for forgiveness. These are the basic requirements. Admittedly, it is not very easy and each step has its unique challenges. Let’s focus on number four on our list, “Accepting upon one’s self to never do it again”.
That may present a major problem for even the most sincere and devoted repentant. How can one guarantee that this and that will not happen again. It can only happen if through the Teshuvah process the person becomes a completely different person. That was me “then” and this is me “now”. How do we travel from “then” to “now”? I may feel this way “now”, but who can really promise when it becomes “then” again?! That is the question!
I think Einstein was credited with the phrase, “The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result”. Something about us has to change. What can we possibly change? One arena is in the realm of thought. In the mystical books there are a companion of terms referred to as, “MOCHIN D’KATNUS” and “MOCHIN D’GADLUS”. Literally translated they mean, “THE SMALL MIND” and “THE BIG MIND”. Practically speaking, we are referring to a visceral way of reacting versus a mature approach to a given situation. Sure, we have all learned throughout our lives and from our earliest days how to get our way with certain strategies that may have worked well for us in the particular and peculiar circumstances in which we developed them.
Some like to call these “triggers” nowadays. However, as life progresses, we all could benefit from gaining more tools, “coping mechanisms”. Abraham Mazlow famously stated, “To a person with a hammer, every problem will tend to be a nail.” The BIG MIND is a fuller toolbox with a wider variety of wise responses to more complex situations.
A man came to the Divrei Chaim, the Sanzer Rav for important advice. When he met privately with the Rebbe he shared his terrible predicament. He claimed to be an angry man that was given to fits of uncontrollable rage. Life was becoming unbearable for him and the people around him. In desperation he came to the Rebbe for some wise advice. The Rebbe listened and then began thinking and thinking. He told the man that this is a very difficult case and he would have to think about it even more. He asked the man to wait, in the meantime in an anteroom nearby.
The Rebbe then called over his loyal Gabai/attendant and asked him if he had any good ideas about how he could get the gentleman waiting in the other room to become upset. The Gabai agreed to the unusual challenge and cooked up a scheme. A few moments later the Gabai was passing by that man with a tray full of drinks and creamy cakes and he intentionally tripped and spilled it all over the man sitting there. Adding insult to injury the Gabai then began to berate the man and blame him for tripping him and causing the whole accident. The man sat there with perfect equanimity enduring the obvious abuse.
Then the Rebbe asked the man to come back in and, noticing his messy appearance, the Rebbe feigned wonder and asked him what happened. The man told over the incident. The Rebbe asked rhetorically, “And you didn’t get upset?” The man confessed, “I overheard the conversation that you had with the Gabai and I knew you were testing me.” The Rebbe told him, “That is the answer to your dilemma. You see that you can control yourself when you realize that you are being tested. HASHEM is testing you! He tests all of us.” Living life with that realization is a powerful tool in our toolbox.