It’s no mistake that the name of the Hebrew month that contains the notoriously tragic day of Tisha B’Av is “AV” which means “FATHER”. In many ways it provided great comfort just knowing that. Why and how? I will attempt to explain.
The famous psychiatrist and innovator of Logo Therapy, Victor Frankl, worked with a series of important formulas. S – M = D and S + M = J. Suffering, of any size and magnitude, minus meaning equals depression. We become lost and de-energized when whatever it is we are going through has no meaning. It could be a deeply personal tragedy or waiting in traffic. If we perceive that it is void of meaning then it saps us of life.
However, the inverse is also true. Suffering, of any size, plus meaning equals joy! We can endure much more in life and even become inspired when we perceive that there is meaning and purpose to whatever it is that we are going through. We don’t even have to know what the specific meaning is. Just that we firmly appreciate that there is meaning is sufficient. That is where EMUNAH can contribute so much to the resilience of the human spirit.
Now let us explore this word “AV” which is the backdrop and the frame for focusing on our individual and collective sufferings. First of all, we must deal with a phenomenon having to do with words. They become dull and cliché and hollow through constant repetition. Yet, we find that, for example, the Mesilas Yesharim states in the introduction, “The only good result (of learning this Sefer) comes through continuous review.” That sounds like a major contradiction. Review should wear out and dull the meaning not yield more benefit.
The difference is when we have developed associations, and pictures, and sounds, and feelings, and movies that are prompted by a word or series of words. When there are no images or feelings the words become even more hollow with use. Say, for example, the word “calculus” to someone who has not yet completed elementary school math and he will give you a blank stare. Say that same word to a mathematics professor and formulas and numbers will awaken in his mind and begin to dance.
Say “Shabbos” to someone who has never experienced a Shabbos and it will land with a thud, but to someone who delights in Shabbos week after week and an orchestra of positive neuro-associations will strike up a glorious symphony.
The more we are invested in a word, not only will it not dull with repetition but it will enter our psyche deeper and deeper. In that way, words are like apps. When pressing my photo app, worlds of precious moments are revealed. I have a diary app that I never used. No matter how many times I open it, it yields nothing. It is our task to fill it up with imagery.
I remember warmly now, as a child, my dear father rushing into the room where my brothers and I were romping around when we should have been asleep a long time ago. He pulled the dreaded belt off his waist and everyone dove under the covers quaking. For some mystical reason, even though I was the youngest, he came to me immediately, and the belt came down. The blows were softened by the covers and I found myself laughing and crying and thinking clearly within the recesses of my heart, “He chose me to be the one to get hit, because he knew I could take it!” I remember clearly taking it as a compliment from my beloved father. That it came from my father, though, made all the difference in how I accepted it.
A friend of mine in Israel was stepping forward to begin Mussaf in a Schul known for its decorum, when his 3-year-old son, Dovi started pulling on his Tallis strings, shouting, “ABBA- ABBA! My friend tried to hush him unsuccessfully. He thought to step back and interrupt his Davening because by this time everyone was turned to him and either saying or giving a look that said, “NU!?” At that moment a genius idea entered his mind. With a few motions, like a pantomime, he imitated what his son was doing, with a heavenward look and remarkably everyone got the message. What are we doing here in prayer? Are we just chewing words and spitting them out!? We are tugging on our Father in Heaven’s Tallis and inside every word is a shout of. “ABBA-ABBA!” The boy didn’t come to disturb the Davening. He came to teach us how to Daven! Your Father, your Abba wants you to connect to Him, ABBA-ABBA!