These divrei Torah were adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissocher Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly portion: #1363 – Lesser of Two Evils: Being Buried in Non-Jewish Cemetery vs. Cremation – Which Is It? Good Shabbos!

The pasuk says “Yosef returned to Egypt – he and his brothers and all who had gone up with him to bury his father – after he buried his father. And Yosef’s brothers saw that their father was dead, and they said, ‘Perhaps Yosef will nurse hatred against us and then he will surely repay us all the evil that we did him.'” (Bereshis 50:14-15). The brothers returned from the burial of Yaakov in Eretz Canaan and suddenly panicked because maybe now that their father is dead, Yosef will take his just revenge upon them. Therefore, they send a message to Yosef: “They commanded that Yosef be told, ‘Your father commanded before his death saying: Thus, shall you say to Yosef ‘Please forgive the spiteful deed of your brothers and their sin for they have done you evil’; so now, please forgive the spiteful deed of the servants of your father’s G-d.” And Yosef wept when they spoke to him.” (Bereshis 50:16-17)

Rashi comments that the messengers who the brothers sent to deliver this message were none other than the bnei (sons of Bilhah), who were accustomed to interacting with Yosef. We know from Parshas Vayeshev that as a young boy, Yosef used to interact with the bnei Bilhah. The sons of the handmaidens (Bilhah and Zilpah) were the “second-class citizens” of the family. They were mistreated by Leah’s sons and for that reason, Yosef befriended them. Therefore, now, after Yaakov’s burial, the brothers figured these would be the best family representatives to make the appeal to Yosef on behalf of all of the brothers.

Yosef responded to them: “Fear not, for am I instead of G-d? Although you intended me harm, G-d intended it for good: in order to accomplish – it is as clear as this day – that a vast people be kept alive.” (Bereshis 50:19-20). The simple reading of these pesukim is that Yosef is saying “You may have had evil thoughts against me, but look at the Divine will that emerged from your actions. He had good thoughts regarding the matter for it led to the saving of a vast people.”

A fascinating Targum Yonosan ben Uziel, however, adds significant content to these pesukim to fill in the details of what was happening over here. Previously, they already had this emotional embrace. They kissed and made up long ago. Now, when they get back from their father’s levaya, they are suddenly worried that Yosef will begin to mistreat them. What prompted that?

Targum Yonosan ben Uziel explains what prompted the brothers to think that now Yosef was suddenly going to treat them badly and take revenge against them. He explains that their concern did not materialize out of thin air. They had good reason to believe that Yosef had it in for them. Based on a Medrash, Targum Yonosan ben Uziel writes that up until now, throughout the 17 years that Yaakov was alive in Mitzraim, Yosef ate together with the family. Now that Yaakov died, guess what? Lunch is over! No more lunches together!

If you have been eating together with someone for seventeen years and suddenly the invitation is withdrawn, it is certainly raglayim l’davar (circumstantial evidence) to believe “Hey! Something has happened over here.” That is what prompted the brothers to think that Yosef was about to take revenge on them, now that their father was out of the picture. This was not paranoia. This was a very legitimate suspicion based on the facts they encountered.

Targum Yonosan ben Uziel further analyzes: Why in fact did Yosef stop inviting them? It was because Yosef had a dilemma. He did not want to sit at the head of the table. His father had proclaimed that Yehuda would be the melech (king). Furthermore, Reuven was the firstborn of the family. Yosef could not see himself sitting at the head of the family table. However, Yaakov – during his lifetime – insisted: Yosef, you must sit at the head of the table. You are the equivalent of the king of Mitzrayim – the “Mishneh L’melech.” Therefore, you need to sit at the head of the table. For 17 years, as long as Yaakov was alive, Yosef sat there, in discomfort, at the head of the family table.

Now that Yaakov was no longer here, now that Yaakov was no longer telling Yosef “You need to sit there,” Yosef faced a dilemma: What am I going to do? Do I keep on inviting them and keep on sitting at the head of the table? I don’t want to do that. To avoid that situation, Yosef decided “There will be no more joint lunches.” That is how the Targum Yonosan ben Uziel translates this pasuk: Yosef said “Do not fear, for am I under Elokim? You thought evil about me.” In other words, you thought the reason I stopped inviting you for lunch is because I have it in for you. “Elokim chashava l’tova” – The Ribono shel Olam knew what my real intention was. It was for the best! My intention was that I didn’t want to insult Yehudah or Reuven. When our father was alive, I had to do that, but now that he is no longer here, I am sorry but I am just not going to do that anymore.

This is the context of what is happening in these pesukim, according to Targum Yonosan ben Uziel.

I saw a very interesting observation from Rav Elya Svei: After 17 years, a person can get used to anything. For 17 years, Yosef had been sitting at the head of the table. Maybe he was uncomfortable for the first week. Maybe for the first month. Maybe he was uncomfortable for the first year. But after 17 years, he was still uncomfortable? Could it be that so many years later he was still thinking “I really don’t belong here. This is Yehuda’s rightful place?” Come on! People get used to kavod!

The way this hits me personally is as follows: When I first became a Rebbi in Ner Yisrael, I did not initially change my seat in the Beis Medrash. I did not sit by the mizrach vant (eastern wall). After several years of being a Rebbi, the Rosh Yeshiva told me that I should be sitting with the other faculty members by the mizrach vant. When I first moved my seat there, I must admit, I was extremely uncomfortable. I was extremely self-conscious. These feelings of “not being in the right place” persisted for perhaps six months or a year at most. Now, after sitting on the mizrach vant for over forty years, I don’t give it a second thought. This is my place! So what if Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky is sitting next to me on the mizrach vant and he is old enough to be my father and he is the gadol hador. This is my place so I don’t think about it. You can get used to anything.

However, after 17 years, Yosef is still thinking “I really don’t belong here.” He takes advantage of his first opportunity to get out of the situation, “Sorry, no more lunch because I refuse to continue insulting Yehudah or Reuven.” This speaks to the incredible sensitivity of Yosef Hatzadik and the Shivtei Kah.

When we learn these parshios at the end of Sefer Bereshis and we learn about jealousy and sibling rivalry, we think “Yeah. Typical human emotions, just like you and me.” However, these people were not just in a different league from us. They were on a different planet. After 17 years, who of us thinks “What am I still doing here?”

“I Remember the Kindness of Your Youth”

I saw the following insight from the current Tolna Rebbe of Yerushalayim (Rabbi Yitzchak Menachem Weinberg). He asks a very interesting question:

Earlier, I mentioned the Rashi that the brothers sent the bnei Bilhah (who interacted with Yosef in their youth) as their delegation to Yosef. The question is the following: Who out of all the brothers would be the best candidate to go into Yosef to plead the brothers’ case? Out of all the other brothers, the most logical candidate would be Reuven. Reuven did not participate in the sale of Yosef. Yehudah might be a second choice because he argued that Yosef should not be killed, but only sold instead. But the bnei Bilhah participated in the sale. The language of the Medrash is that when the brothers were about the throw Yosef into the pit and then to sell him, Yosef begged by the feet of each of his brothers. He got down on his knees and begged each and every brother: “Please, don’t do this!” The bnei Bilhah told him “Sorry. You are not such a tzadik! You went and tattled on us to our father!” Clearly the bnei Bilhah are as guilty as anyone else in the crimes committed against Yosef.

And yet, the brothers picked the bnei Bilhah to plead their case. Why was that?

The Tolner Rebbe cites an interesting insight from Rav Yitzchak Hutner, zt”l (1906-1980), about a totally unrelated matter. Rav Hutner once said that the first masechta he ever learned was Bava Kamma. He stated that he remembers Bava Kamma better than any other masechta. It was his “girsa d’yankesa” (knowledge acquired in youth) because it was the first masechta he ever learned as a young boy! Rav Hutner was quick to add that his ‘havanah‘ (understanding) of Bava Kamma was “a kindereshe havana” (a childish understanding). It was superficial comprehension, but nothing stuck to his bones like Maseches Bava Kamma, because that was his first exposure to Talmud.

Rav Hutner, k’darko b’kodesh, said that this is why Chazal say that when a child first begins to speak, his father should teach him “Torah and Krias Shma.” The reason that as soon as a child can speak the father teaches him to say “Shma Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad” is that we want this testimony of the unity of Hashem to be in the marrow of his bones. Rav Hutner continues: The child asks his father “Daddy, what do these words mean?” The father answers, “It means that Hashem is one.” The father doesn’t explain to his child about the deep philosophical nature of Hashem’s existence. One is one. Therefore, when the child grows up and goes through life, he knows one thing: One is one. I don’t need any of the writings of the Jewish philosophers: There is one G-d and that’s it! That is the way we want it. This is part of his basic identity as a Jew because that is what he heard in the crib. We want that emunah peshuta (simple faith). No sophistication or philosophy are necessary or even desirable. Hashem echad. This is a childish grasp but that is good, at least for Shma Yisrael.

What is the upshot of all this? The upshot is that what we absorb as children sticks with us. There was a lot of water under the bridge since the days that Yosef and the bnei Bilhah played together, but they played together as kids. Granted, there was much ill feeling in the interim years. Yes, Yosef did tattle on them and yes Yosef did beg for forgiveness and they said no. But, “I remember you when we played together.” That love from those initial years remains. It may be covered with layers of who knows what, but it is still there.

We see that in families. Sometimes families get into terrible fights. Sometimes it is years before they talk. But they still remember – we played baseball together. And when that bully came and started beating me up, you came to my rescue. That never leaves a person.

Therefore, when the brothers needed someone to convince Yosef “please forgive the sins of your brethren,” they didn’t send any of the other brothers. They sent the sandbox mates, the kids Yosef used to build sand castles with. That love of the early years remains with people for the rest of their lives and therefore the appeal was sent to Yosef Hatzadik through them.

Transcribed by David Twersky; Jerusalem [email protected]

Edited by Dovid Hoffman; Baltimore, MD [email protected]

This week’s write-up is adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissochar Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly Torah portion. A listing of the halachic portions for Parshas Vayechi is provided below:

• # 037 – Establishing Time of Death
• # 079 – The Yissocher-Zevulun Partnership
• # 128 – The Sandik
• # 175 – Embalming, Autopsies, and Cremation
• # 221 – Exhumation: When Is it Permitted?
• # 265 – Yahrtzeit
• # 311 – Funerals in Halacha
• # 355 – Asarah B’Teves
• # 399 – Baruch Shem K’vod Malchuso L’Olam Voed
• # 443 – Aveilus Issues
• # 487 – Determining Date of Moshiach’s Arrival
• # 531 – Burial in Eretz Yisroel
• # 575 – Honoring an Older Brother
• # 619 – Fulfilling the Wishes of the Deceased
• # 663 – Belief in the Coming of Moshiach
• # 707 – Fasting on a Yahrzeit
• # 751 – The Rabbi: Master Or Slave?
• # 795 – Hatoras Nedorim – How Specific Must You Be?
• # 839 – Buying Cemetery Plot – Investing in Real Estate for Long Term
• # 883 – Evil Intentions – Do They Matter?
• # 927 – Yissocher – Zevulun Revisited
• # 970 – Being A Sandek – Does It Really Make You Wealthy?
• #1014 – Will We Make Pesach When Mashiach Comes?
• #1058 – Bentching Your Children on Friday Nights
• #1101 – Grandfather or Great Grandfather – Who Should be Sandek?
• #1144 – Supporting Someone To Sit and Learn: Must He Be Altruistic?
• #1187 – Can You Be Sandek More Than Once?
• #1231 – Day of Death or of Funeral? Customs and other Yahrtzeit Issues
• #1275 – I Don’t Want Hespedim at my Levaya – Must We Obey?
• #1319 – Honoring Your Parents Wishes After Their Death: How Far Must You Go?
• #1363 – Lesser of Two Evils: Being Buried in Non-Jewish Cemetery vs. Cremation – Which Is It?
• #1407 – Asking Mechila From An Offended Friend – Personally Or Through An Intermediary?
• #1451 – Burial in Eretz Yisrael – Is It Always A Good Idea?
• #1495 – Are You Ever Allowed to Argue with Your Father?
• #1539 – Should an Avail Move His Seat in Shul – Even On Shabbos?
• (2022) – Figuring Out When Mashiach Will Come – A Good Idea?

A complete catalogue can be ordered from the Yad Yechiel Institute, PO Box 511, Owings Mills MD 21117-0511. Call (410) 358-0416 or e-mail [email protected] or visit http://www.yadyechiel.org/ for further information.