These divrei Torah were adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissocher Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly portion: # #1314 – Is One Allowed To Shower Before Davening? Good Shabbos!
The pasuk in Parshas VaYetzei says, “She conceived again, and bore a son and said, ‘This time I will give thanks to Hashem,’ therefore she called his name Yehudah, then she stopped giving birth.” (Bereshis 29:35). Before Rochel had even one child, Leah already had four sons. The Ibn Ezra notes here that the fact that she stopped giving birth was a punishment for not asking for more children. Somehow, thanking Hashem for the birth of Yehudah indicated that “I am now happy with what I have, I do not need any more children.”
This comment of Ibn Ezra requires analysis. What was Leah supposed to say after having four sons? In fact, Chazal comment that there was no one who expressed gratitude to the Ribono Shel Olam until Leah came along and said (after the birth of Yehudah) “This time I will thank Hashem!” Chazal praise her for giving thanks, so how can this be interpreted as some kind of aveira (sin)?
The answer to this question lies in a Rambam. The Rambam (Hilchos Berochos 10:26) writes a rule: “A person should always cry out for his future needs, asking for mercy and giving thanks for what he received in the past, and thanking and expressing gratitude according to his ability.” In other words, a person always needs to not only thank the Ribono Shel Olam for what he was already given. He must always also ask for his future needs. Our thanks must include a bakasha (request) that Hashem continue giving to us in the future.
Gratitude that just expresses “thanks” and stops there is incomplete gratitude. This is because the word hoda’ah in Hebrew means more than just giving thanks. Hoda’ah also means admitting (as in the term modeh b’miktzas (partial admission) or as in ho’da’as ba’al din k’meah eidim dami (the admission of a debtor is equivalent to the testimony of a hundred witnesses)). In the ethical world of the Torah, hoda’ah needs to include two components: I thank You and I admit that I cannot exist without Your help in the future. If that second component is missing – the fact that I am cognizant of my desperate need for Your ongoing help – then something is missing from the expression of thanksgiving.
In practical terms, imagine that I just won the big prize in the Powerball lottery. I just won 450 million dollars. By all rules of nature, I will not need another penny in my life. In such a case, it is inappropriate to turn to Hashem and say “Ribono Shel Olam – I have it made! Thank you! Yasher koach. Now I don’t need You anymore. See You later.” No! I need to thank you, Ribono Shel Olam, for the $450,000,000, and also ask “Please don’t forget me, Ribono Shel Olam, in the future, either. I will need You in the future as well, and I readily admit that fact.”
With this idea in mind, we can gain new insight into the structure of the daily Shemoneh Esrei. We come to Hashem with a long list of our requests (all the “intermediate berochos“) and then we say “Modim anachnu lach” (We thank You). Period! Why doesn’t Shemoneh Esrei end there? The answer is because thank you needs to include a bakasha for the future as well. What is that bakasha? Sim shalom (grant peace). Why peace? Because “the Almighty found no vessel worthy of holding blessing for Israel other than shalom” (Uktzin 3:12). I need this receptacle to receive His blessing. That is why Shemoneh Esrei needs to end with this “tz’aka al ha’asid” (request for the future). Our tz’aka al ha’asid is for the biggest beracha of all – the blessing of peace. That is why Shemoneh Esrei does not end with Baruch Kel ha’hoda’os, but rather with Hamevarech es amo Yisrael ba’shalom.
Even the Midas Hadin Needs to Acknowledge Rochel’s Zechus
Finally, Rochel had her own child! “G-d remembered Rachel; G-d hearkened to her and He opened her womb.” (Bereshis 30:22). The Medrash asks “What is this reference to remembering?” The Medrash answers that the Ribono Shel Olam remembered Rochel’s silence so as not to embarrass her sister when their father Lavan pulled the deceitful “switch,” at the time of Yaakov’s wedding. Not only did Rochel keep quiet, she actually gave a secret sign to her sister whereby Yaakov would think that he was marrying Rochel that night, and would not protest the marriage.
There is a word that should jump out at us twice in this aforementioned pasuk: The pasuk uses the word “Elokim” to represent the Ribono Shel Olam. However, seemingly, it should not say “Vayizkor Elokim” (using the Divine name of midas hadin (judgment)), but rather, it should say “Vayizkor Hashem (yud-kay-vov-kay; using the Divine name of rachamim (mercy and compassion)). In fact, this pasuk uses the name Elokim not once, but twice: “Vayizkor Elokim es Rochel” and “Va’yishma eileha Elokim” Is this not a misuse of the name Elokim, which always connotes the midas hadin?
The answer is that the pasuk is teaching the power and great zechus (merit) of “shtikah” (silence). The fact that Rochel kept quiet and let her older sister get married is so great that even the midas hadin needs to say “It is time now for you too to have a child.” That is why the pasuk uses the name Elokim.
And what is the great zechus? The great zechus is the sensitivity displayed towards an older sister. Rochel was terribly worried that now that Leah married cousin Yaakov, she herself was going to wind up with Yaakov’s twin brother Eisav. This was going to ruin her life. Rochel wanted Yaakov as a husband more than anything. Nevertheless, to prevent the pain and humiliation of her sister, Rochel kept silent. The zechus of that sensitivity was so great that it even overwhelmed the midas hadin, such that Elokim recognized the need to reward Rochel.
I saw the following true incident in the sefer Me’Orei Ohr:
A girl in Bnei Brak got engaged. The father of the kallah went to look for an appropriate apartment for the new couple. Lo and behold, he found the perfect apartment in Bnei Brak. It was a beautiful apartment. The price was right. It had everything that they could want. It would be a 50-50 partnership so the father of the kallah called the father of the chosson and invited him to come to see the apartment. The mechutan came. He liked the apartment and he was ready to join the deal.
The last step was to get the kallah‘s buy in. This, after all, was the place where the new couple would live. The kallah saw the apartment. She was happy. It was everything she had dreamt of. Fine. They walked out of the apartment and the kallah said to her father, “I can’t do it. I can’t take this apartment.” The father was flabbergasted: “But you just told me inside that it was a beautiful apartment. The price is right. Why can’t you take the apartment?”
The kallah explained that she couldn’t take the apartment because she had a friend with whom she went to seminary who lived in that same building and she was not yet engaged. Not only was she not engaged, but she had an older sister, who was also not engaged yet. “If I will move into this beautiful apartment with my beautiful chosson and beautiful parents and beautiful machutanim and everything is wonderful, every time this girl sees me, her heart will drop, and even if her heart will not drop, the heart of her older sister will drop! I can’t take this apartment.”
Her father said, “That is a beautiful thought, but come on – you need to be practical!” These people are ehrliche Yidden, so what did they do? They went to Rav Chaim Kanievsky to pose the question to the gadol hador: Is the kallah right? Should they give up the apartment just because it will make her seminary friend and the friend’s older sister feel bad? Rav Chaim Kanievsky sat there and thought and thought. This was not Rav Chaim’s normal mode of operation. He was usually very quick and terse with his answers. But this shaylah gave him great pause. Finally, he deferred the question. He said “Ask Reb Leib Shteinman,” as if to say “This shaylah is above my pay grade.”
The father of the kallah and the mechutan then went to Rav (Aharon) Leib Shteinman and they told him over the shaylah. They also told him that Rav Chaim deliberated at length and could not come to a resolution. Rav Leib Shteinman also thought at great length and finally he advised them not to take the apartment. It was not worth causing pain to another girl, and especially to the older sister.
The two mechutanim, who were businessmen but were also ehrliche Yiden, were not about to argue with the gadol hador. They then asked, “Is it okay if we buy it as an investment and at the appropriate time, we will have what to do with it?” Rav Shteinman gave them the okay to buy it as an investment.
They made arrangement for the young couple to live elsewhere, and then on the very night that this kallah got married, the older sister of her seminary friend became a kallah. Then, within a few months, the friend also became a kallah. Both sisters got married and then after both sisters got married, the original couple moved into that original apartment…and lived happily ever after.
Transcribed by David Twersky; Jerusalem [email protected]
Technical Assistance by Dovid Hoffman; Baltimore, MD [email protected]
This week’s write-up is adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissochar Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly Torah portion. A listing of the halachic portions for Parshas Vayetzei is provided below:
- # 032 – The Obligation to Give Ma’aser
- # 074 – Honoring Parents Who Are Not Observant
- # 123 – Tefilla B’tzibur: Is It Mandatory?
- # 170 – Marrying Off a Younger Child First
- # 216 – Maariv
- # 260 – “Ein Mearvin Simcha B’Simcha”
- # 306 – Making a Neder During Times of Trouble
- # 350 – Must Women Daven?
- # 394 – Accepting Tzedaka from Women
- # 438 – The Mitzvah of Mesameach Chasan V’Kallah
- # 482 – Davening to a Malach
- # 526 – A Million Dollars to Tzadaka If ..
- # 570 – Tuition and Maaser Money
- # 614 – The Tefilah of Baruch Hashem L’Olam Omein V’Omein
- # 658 – Lashon Aramis – Aramaic
- # 702 – The Marriage that Was Not a Joke
- # 746 – The Amazing Power of Saying Tehillim
- # 790 – May Women Always Attend Shul?
- # 834 – Talmud Torah Vs Kibud Av
- # 878 – The Baal Teshuva and the Family TV
- # 922 – Too Much Tzedakah?
- # 965 – The Proper Time for Maariv
- #1009 – Sheva Brachos Questions
- #1053 – The Younger Brother Who Says “I’m Getting Married First”
- #1096 – Davening With A Minyan – Obligation Or Just A Good Idea?
- #1139 – Can The Younger Brother Marry Before His Older Sister?
- #1182 – Chasan Going To Work During Sheva Brochos / Leaving Chasunah Early
- #1226 – Why Was Rachel Punished for Stealing Her Father’s Idols?
- #1270 – “It’s Just Too Hard”: Is That an Excuse Not to Fulfill a Mitzvah?
- #1314 – Is One Allowed To Shower Before Davening?
- #1358 – I’ve Davened Maariv; Other Minyan Still Davening Mincha – Can I Answer Kedusha?
- #1402 – Must One Wait For The Rabbi To Begin Chazaras HaShatz?
- #1446 – The All Too Common Dilemma of a Younger Sibling Marrying Before an Older Sibling
- #1490 – Can I Switch In the Middle of Shmoneh Esrei from Mincha to Maariv?
- #1534 – The Chasunah Musician Who Could Never Daven Maariv Bezibur
- (2022) – Are You Consistent With When You Daven Maariv?
A complete catalogue can be ordered from the Yad Yechiel Institute, PO Box 511, Owings Mills MD 21117-0511. Call (410) 358-0416 or e-mail [email protected] or visit http://www.yadyechiel.org/ for further information.