Traits of Character

2. Traits of Character – Deos

a) Walking in G-d’s Ways

Human beings have many character traits each of which can vary from one extreme to the other. Some people are always angry, others are imperturbable; some are proud, others are humble; some are lustful, others are passionless; some are greedy, others are unselfish; some are misers, others are spendthrifts; and so on. Between each such pair of extremes lies a middle way, and we are commanded to follow these middle paths, as it says “And walk in His ways”.¹ A person whose character traits are intermediate between the extremes is called wise, and one who leans somewhat toward the proper extremes — for example, toward humility — is called pious.^a

From some traits, such as pride and anger, a person should keep as far away as possible.^b However, it is not always good to go too far; if a person suppresses his desires to such a degree that he does not eat meat or drink wine or marry, or live in a suitable house or wear suitable clothes, he is called a sinner. A person should abstain only from those things that the Torah prohibits; he should not forbid to himself things which are permitted. Regarding such things Solomon said “Do not be too righteous”.^2,c

The prophets referred to G-d as having many attributes in order to tell us that these are good traits and that a person is required to imitate His ways according to his ability: [“To walk in all His ways”–] “just as He is called merciful, so should you be merciful”.^3,d A wise man should especially conduct himself with great propriety in all of his activities; [if he does not he has desecrated the Name].^e

A person’s actions should all be directed toward G-d; even when he takes care of his physical needs he should do so with the intent of keeping his body fit to serve G-d. On this matter the sages said “And all your actions should be for the sake of heaven”⁴; as Solomon said, “Know Him in all your ways”.^5,f

b) Human Relations

It is natural for a person to be influenced in his traits and actions by his neighbors and friends. A person should therefore attach himself to the pious and wise and keep away from the wicked, as it says “And you shall cleave to Him”⁶ — [“And to cleave to Him:] Can a man cleave to the Divine Presence? Rather, cleave to the wise and to their disciples”.^7,g

One should love every Jew, as it says “And you shall love your neighbor as yourself”⁸; and there is an additional commandment to love a convert, as it says “And you shall love the stranger”.^9,h In particular one should be careful not to oppress the unfortunate, as it says “You shall not afflict any widow or orphan”.^10,i It is forbidden to gossip about anyone, as it says “You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people”¹¹; and slander is particularly prohibited.^j

It is forbidden to hate secretly, as it says “You shall not hate your brother in your heart”.^l2,k If someone sins against you you should not hate him and keep silent; rather, you should tell him about it, as it says “You shall rebuke your friend”, ¹² and if he asks forgiveness you should forgive him.^l But it is forbidden to embarass him, as it says “But do not sin on account of him”.^12,m If you see that your friend has transgressed you should also rebuke him.ⁿ You should not take revenge on your friend or bear a grudge against him, as it says “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the children of your people”.^8,o