But a spirit of jealousy had come upon him and he became jealous of his wife, and she was defiled, or, a spirit of jealousy had come upon him and he was jealous of his wife, and she was not defiled. (Bamidbar 5:14)

This is the genesis of a very difficult process, the clarification of the Sota. On the surface it seems unduly harsh and demanding upon the woman. In psychology and business, it is important to know, “Who owns the problem?”

He has an unconfirmed suspicion and she claims that she is innocent. Why should she have to go through this lengthy and embarrassing public procedure to determine whether or not something happened?

First of all, we are talking about serious consequences. The Torah definition of adultery is a married woman consorting any other man. If this actually happened then she is not only forbidden to him, but it is one of the most serious possible violations. A sacred line has been crossed and the relationship is over.

If such a deed was done with warning and witnesses, then when there was a Sanhedrin, the consequence would be the death penalty. That is how severe this situation is. Now, the husband is uncertain. There is no joy like the resolution of doubt. There is no joy or Shalom Bais as long as this cloud of suspicion hangs over their relationship.

What is there to be done to clear up the doubt and return peace and harmony to their home? Along comes the Parsha of the Sota. It is the only Mitzvah in the Torah that depends entirely upon miraculous results. She is given an opportunity to drink the “Sota waters” to prove her claim of innocence. If what she says is true then she is blessed and if not, she is forewarned of a horrific end. If she didn’t do it, then there is nothing to fear. The choice is hers.

A friend of mine told me more than 40 years ago that he attended a lecture by an Israeli speaker. The Rabbi unpacked an incredible story that helps us understand the essence of this seeming cruel and embarrassing procedure.

He said that a young lady came to speak to him. She told him that she is very nervous. He asked her why and she responded that she is expecting her first child, and she loves her husband, who learns Torah all day, and they have a wonderful and loving relationship. The Rabbi was mystified. “What’s the problem? He asked.

Then she zeroed in on the source of her stress. She explained that she had a different type of life before doing Teshuvah and coming to be devoted to Torah and Mitzvos. In her earlier days she became pregnant and had an abortion. That terrible feeling of loss and shame catalyzed her to become better, and now she merited a Tzadik of a husband and true Shalom Bais. Her husband has no idea about this episode in her life and neither she or her husband come from Cohen of Levi lineage and if their first child would be a boy, then she would have to explain why their child is not a candidate for a Pidyon HaBen, and that might lower her esteem in his eyes.

The Rabbi assured her that all will be well and for the health of the baby it is important that she remain calm. He told her that even if the baby was a boy, they would perform a Pidyon HaBen. She was puzzled and he explained to her based on the laws of the Sota.

A key ingredient of the “Sota Water” solution was a parchment with the Name of HASHEM inscribed upon it. Normally we would not be allowed to erase the name of HASHEM but in order to restore or maintain Shalom Bais we see that HASHEM allows His Holy name to be erased. A Pidyon HaBen would require making two blessings for nought which in this case would be justified. He said that he went to one of the Gedolei HaDor and checked his reasoning and the Gadol said, “What’s the question!? Of course you should make a Pidyon HaBen!”

Postscript! She had a baby boy. The Rabbi was the Cohen and the father made one blessing in vain, and the Cohen came with a new suit and asked the father to have his suit in mind for the SHECHYANU to mitigate the problem with the second Brocho, and so Shalom shall reign supreme.