These divrei Torah were adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissocher Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Tapes on the weekly portion: #1335 – May We Accept Tzedaka From Non-Jews? Good Shabbos!

Speak Softly and Put Up With a Lot of Shtick

Parshas Emor begins with the words: “And Hashem said to Moshe, ‘Speak to the Kohanim the sons of Aharon and say to them: Each of you shall not contaminate himself to a (dead) person among his people.” (Vayikra 21:1) This introduces us to the prohibition of a Kohen allowing himself to become defiled by contact with the dead. We are familiar with the Rashi at the beginning of the parsha, who teaches that the redundant use of the verb amar (say/speak) in this pasuk indicates that this is an exhortation that adult Kohanim should warn their (male) children not to become tameh (ritually impure).

According to the Tur, this is the Biblical source for the mitzvah of chinuch (educating our children in the ways of Torah). I saw in a sefer, Divrei Yisrael, from the Modzitzer Rebbe, that in fact any time the Torah uses the language “Daber el Bnei Yisrael v’amarta aleihem” (Speak to the Children of Israel and say to them), which is not that uncommon, it is a similar redundancy from which we should also be able to apply the principle: L’hazhir gedolim al haketanim (adults should warn children regarding the observance).

Chazal say that the verb daber is a lashon kashe (more intense form of speech), which may be appropriate when speaking to adults, while the verb amar is a softer form of speech, which is appropriate when speaking to children. So why do we specifically learn out that the adults should warn the children here in the beginning of Parshas Emor, when the Torah uses the language “Emor / v’amarta?” Shouldn’t we also be able to learn the same lesson from every time the Torah uses the language “Daber / v’amarta?”

However, the Torah is trying to emphasize a very important lesson regarding educating our children: By children, it needs to be “Emor / v’amarta,” which is a very soft form of communication. The only way to successfully deal with children is to be excessively soft with them. That is why it is only from here (the only occurrence in the Torah of this Emor / v’amarta construct) that Chazal derive the lesson of adults warning children – it must be with a “double dose of amira” – softness compounded with softness.

I don’t know what happened to society over the past number of decades, however, if this was the case in the times of the Torah, it is certainly the case in our day and age. We need to be very, very soft and gentle in how we deal with our children. Perhaps in other eras, the technique of “the left hand pushing away and the right hand drawing near” (Sanhedrin 107b) was effective. However, today it needs to be both the right and left hands drawing near.

I was shown a shiur by a Rav Menashe Reisman from Eretz Yisrael, in which he mentioned a very interesting Medrash Yalkut Shimoni (on Tehillim Chapter 72). A fellow left over a will which specified “My son will not be able to get the money from my estate until he becomes a shoteh (fool).” The son went to Rabbi Yosi b’Reb Yehudah and asked him what the will meant. “I am not a shoteh and I am not going to become a shoteh. What does my father want from me?”

The Medrash says that Rabbi Yosi b’Reb Yehuda took this will to Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korcha. He went to Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korcha’s house and looked in through the window and saw the great Rabbi crawling on his hands and knees with a pacifier in his mouth. He was crawling after his young son. Rabbi Yosi b’Reb Yehuda was embarrassed to go inside and see Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korcha in that state.

The Medrash says that Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korcha noticed Rabbi Yosi b’Reb Yehuda outside and he called him in. Rabbi Yosi b’Reb Yehuda entered and said “I have this will that I don’t understand.” Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korcha said “I will explain the will to you.”

This son who was holding the will did not want to get married because he did not want the burden of raising children. Do you know what it takes to raise children? A person needs to act like a shoteh. Which adult goes around on his hands and knees? But any of us who have raised children have been on our hands and knees. Have you ever played catch with your child? When your child was three years old and he was trying to learn how to bat a ball and he had a plastic bat with a big barrel, you stood three feet in front of him and threw the ball to him slowly. You are an adult. Maybe you are even a Rosh Yeshiva or a Rav. Maybe you are a prestigious lawyer. But there you are, playing in a sandbox with a plastic bat and ball.

That is what his father was telling him: You can collect the will when you become a shoteh – i.e., when you get married and have children. Then you will become a “shoteh” – that is what you need to do! That is what it takes to raise children.

This is all part of the theme of “Emor v’amarta” – when dealing with children, a person needs to speak in soft and gentle tones. This is lesson number one in chinuch habanim. We need to handle our children with kid gloves, making sure to make Yiddishkeit exciting, pleasant, and pleasurable to them, rather than being a burden.

The Dubno Maggid: Holidays Became a Painful Reminder of What Could Have Been

I would like to share a mashal (parable) from the Dubno Maggid (as was his forte).

We are all familiar with the following pasuk because it is part of the Torah reading of every Yom Tov: “Speak to the Children of Israel and say to them: Hashem’s appointed festivals that you are to designate as holy convocations – these are My appointed festivals.” (Vayira 23:1) This introduces the “moadim,” beginning with Shabbos, then Pesach, then Shavuos, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Succos. The Ribono shel Olam gave us a wonderful present called Yom Tov.

And yet, Klal Yisrael abused that gift until the Ribono shel Olam had to say – as He does so movingly in the Haftorah we read on the Shabbos before Tisha B’Av – “My Soul detests your new moons and your appointed times, they have become a burden upon Me… ” (Yeshaya 1:14) Our starting point was Parshas Emor, where the Ribono shel Olam designated the festivals as “My time with you”. A “moed” is an appointment, a meeting time. The Yomim Tovim started out as a time to rendezvous with the Shechina. However, it turned into that which we find in the first perek of Yeshaya: “I can’t stand your Yomim Tovim. Stay away, they are burdensome for Me.”

The Dubno Maggid (Rav Yakov ben Wolf Kranz – 1741-1804) gave a mashal to explain how this transpired:

There was once a wealthy man who had several children that all became very ill. The man found the best doctor available and insisted the doctor come live with him to treat his children. The doctor put some kind of medication together which the children had to drink as their treatment, and they all got better. Some time went by and they had a recurrence of the illness.

The wealthy man figured, if it worked one time, I will bring the doctor back a second time. He brought the doctor back. The doctor made the same medicine but the children refused to take it because it was too bitter. Their conditions deteriorated. The doctor saw that they were not taking their medication. There was nothing more that he could do, so he left. As time went by, whenever the doctor would meet this wealthy man, he would get a scowl from him. The father was upset with the doctor.

The doctor protested: “What do you want from me? I prepared the medicine. It worked the first time. The second time, the children refused to take the medicine. What do you want from me? It is not my fault!”

The man said, “Yes, I know it is not your fault; but every time I see you, I am reminded ‘if they would only take that medicine’. You remind me of what they could do and how they could get better, but they don’t get better. So every time I see you, I get into a bad mood because you remind me of the opportunity and ability that they would have, if they would only take the medicine.”

The Dubno Maggid explains that this is the meaning of that pasuk in Yeshaya: “I gave you the Yomim Tovim. This is our special time together. Eleh hem moa’doi. These are the times that a person has the ability to be with the Ribono shel Olam. He doesn’t go to work. He doesn’t need to rush. He is able to get closer to the Ribono shel Olam, to daven better, to be better, to come to Yerushalayim, to bring korbonos. And yet, they don’t take advantage of this opportunity.

The moadim are like the doctor. Just like every time the father saw the doctor, it put him in a bad mood because his children were not taking advantage of the tremendous opportunity, so too, Hashem says “Your new moons and appointed times, My soul despises.” I can’t stand it because these Yomim Tovim could be so wonderful and so enhancing and it is right there for you – and yet you don’t take advantage.

The Seforno actually says this whole idea in just a few words. On this pasuk of Eleh hem mo’adoi (Vayikra 23:1), the Seforno writes as follows:

These are the moadim that I want, however Klal Yisrael is supposed to make the Moadim into mikraei kodesh – times imbued with sanctity. We are supposed to daven better, learn better, enjoy, be with our families, all these things. But we don’t do that. The days are treated like week days in which they engage solely in pleasures of the moment and strictly in mundane human pleasures. They do not become moa’doi (My Meeting times, as it says in Parshas Emor), but rather strictly moadeichem (Your Meeting times, as it says in the first perek of Yeshaya). Your idea of a Yom Tov is just a feeding fest. That is something “My Soul detests.”

Transcribed by David Twersky; Jerusalem [email protected]

Edited by Dovid Hoffman; Baltimore, MD [email protected]

This week’s write-up is adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissochar Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly Torah portion. A listing of the halachic portions for Parshas Emor is provided below:

• # 010 – Can Kohanim visit Graves of Tzadikim
• # 053 – Are Our Kohanim Really Kohanim?
• # 096 – “Kovod Habrios”: The Concept of Human Dignity
• # 144 – Kohanim in Hospitals: A Real Problem
• # 191 – The Bracha for Kiddush Hashem.
• # 281 – Kiddush Hashem: Is “Giluy Arayus” Ever Permitted?
• # 327 – The Cohain and the Divorcee
• # 371 – The Mitzvah of Ve’Kidashto: Honoring Kohanim
• # 415 – The Ba’alas Teshuva and the Kohain
• # 459 – Eliyahu Hanavi and the “Dead” Child
• # 503 – Standing Up While Doing Mitzvos
• # 547 – The Wayward Daughter
• # 591 – The Kohain and the Gerusha
• # 635 – Bracha of Mekadaish Es Shimcha B’rabim
• # 679 – Mrs. Cohen is Having A Baby
• # 723 – Is the Kohain Always First?
• # 767 – Kohain, Kaddish, and Kadima
• # 811 – Is Adultery Ever Permitted?
• # 855 – The Brother-in-Law Who Threw Out The Ring
• # 899 – Motrin For Your Children?
• # 944 – Honoring Kohanim – Even Children?
• # 986 – The Child of a Jewish Mother and Non-Jewish Father: Jewish?
• #1030 – The Bonfires of Meiron–When Did it Start? Why? Mutar?
• #1075 – Can I Steal Your Medicine To Save My Life?
• #1117 – Must We Honor Leviim As Well As Kohanim?
• #1159 – The “Morranos” of Spain: Their Halachic Status
• #1203 – Mesiras Nefesh Challenges From Biblical Times Through the twentieth century
• #1248 – The Challenge for the Occupational and Speech Therapist: Feeding Non-Kosher Food to a Jewish Child
• #1291 – The Fascinating Case of the Kohain Who Showed Up In Shul After They Sold The Aliyah to A Yisroel
• #1335 – May We Accept Tzedaka From Non-Jews
• #1379 – Can a Kohain Accompany His Wife to the Hospital to Have Her Baby?
• #1423 – Kavod HaBrios – How Far Does It Go?
• #1467 – Birchas HaGomel During the Whole Year and During the Corona Pandemic
• #1510 – I Said ‘It is Lag B’Omer Tonight’ – Can I Still Count Sefira With A Bracha?
• #1553 – Is One Allowed to Institutionalize a Severely Mentally Handicapped Child Where He Will Eat Non-Kosher Food?
• #1595 – When You Are The Chazan ow Do You Say Kedusha?

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