In this week’s reading, Yaakov goes to his uncle Lavan, looking for a wife. Immediately, we learn what sort of character Lavan is.

He runs to meet Yaakov, but why? Says Rashi, Lavan remembered that the family’s servant, Eliezer, came with ten camels laden with presents, and imagines that Yaakov is also arriving to give him valuable gifts.

When he sees that Yaakov is alone, he thinks, maybe he has treasures in his pockets, and hugs him. Feeling nothing, he thinks perhaps Yaakov has diamonds in his mouth, and kisses him.

At that point, Yaakov finally gets a word in, and explains that he was chased by his murderous brother, and his nephew, his brother’s son, had taken all he had [29:13, and see Rashi to 29:11]. At that point, Lavan brought him in nonetheless due to their family connection, but, even so, put him to work [29:14-15].

So it wasn’t hard for Yaakov to understand Lavan’s character. This is why he specified that he would work seven years for “Rachel, your younger daughter:” “Rachel,” and lest you think I mean some other Rachel, I mean “your daughter,” and lest you want to swap the names of your daughters, I mean “the younger one” [29:18, with Rashi].

And precisely as Yaakov expected, Lavan repeatedly tried to swindle Yaakov throughout their relationship for his own gain. He not only violated their agreement for Yaakov to marry Rachel, but claimed it was Yaakov’s fault: “we don’t do that here, to marry off the younger before the older” [29:26]. And on that basis Lavan demanded another seven years of work for Yaakov to marry the wife he was promised.

And so it went, with Lavan changing his wages tens of times, to ensure that he gained and Yaakov lost [31:7, 41]. Even Yaakov’s wives testified that their father was treating them not like family, but strangers, and delaying paying Yaakov [31:15].

How is any person tempted to react in such a situation? When we know a guy is a crook, simple self-protection pressures us to cut corners ourselves, to give him only what we know we must. Whatever we can get away with keeping, we know he is likely keeping from us, so it’s only fair—or so we tell ourselves.

Our forefather Yaakov, however, did just the opposite. Not only did he remain above any hint of wrongdoing, but even took responsibility if any of the flocks were eaten by wild animals or stolen, even at night when he was sleeping [31:39]. His hands were completely clean by any possible standard, and he was not influenced by Lavan to do otherwise.

As mentioned earlier, Eliphaz, son of Esav, was sent by Esav to murder his uncle. But he refrained from doing so, Rashi explains, due to the positive influence of living in the household of Yitzchak and Rivka [29:11]. Yaakov refusing to follow Lavan’s model, and Eliphaz following Yitzchak and Rivka’s model, were both, of course, the correct decisions.

These lessons from our forebears tell us how we must act: with honesty that goes above the letter of the law, and by choosing whose behavior to model based upon their own character. May we choose wisely!

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Yaakov Menken