You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, or whatever belongs to your neighbor.” (Shemos 20:14)
If you had five minutes to speak to the entire world and you knew for sure everyone was listening, what would you say? Cogitate on that! I am fascinated as to why, by Mount Sinai, HASHEM, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, chose those 10 items to share with the Jewish Nation and the whole world for all time. On that list, number ten, is, “Do Not Be Jealous of your neighbor’s, wife, servant, ox, donkey, or whatever belongs to your neighbor.” Why is that such a profound point that it should be included in the first time and one-time, well overdue, overwhelmingly awesome, and overt presentation to the entire Nation of Israel?! Is it really that important?! The answer must be absolutely and emphatically, “YES!”
When we are students of what other people have, it robs us of the joy of life and removes the possibility of our becoming truly happy. HASHEM wants us to be happy. From our finite and narrow perspective things often seem unfair when our eyes are facing outward and we are busy noticing what the fortune of others looks like. Children have a terrible tendency to fall prey to this trap. In Chassidus it is referred to as “MOCHIN D’KATNUS”, which literally means the “small mind”. In order to override and get beyond this childish and visceral reaction, we would require a perspective called, “MOCHIN D’GADLUS” – literally, “A BIG MIND”, an expanded consciousness.
I have asked many children this question and in most every case the answer is the same. The exceptions are few and far between. From here we can see clearly the irrationality of this infantile attitude of jealousy. I will ask, “Which of these two offers would you be willing to accept? Would you rather receive one candy and your brother one candy or you get two candies, but your brother gets three!” You won’t believe that most children prefer one candy.
They would rather get less, only so that someone else does not have more than them. It’s fascinating, how even to one’s own detriment a person cannot endure seeing someone else succeed.
What is the antidote? How does the MOCHIN D’GADLUS make sense out of the disparity and seeming unfairness between what we and other people get in life?! First of all, who made the rule that everyone should be getting the same?! Maybe we don’t and we are not meant to get the exact same! The biggest proof is that we don’t!
From our myopic view, it appears unfair, but from the ALMIGHTY’S vantage point everyone is getting exactly what is good for them. The first of the Ten Commandments sets the template for the next nine. “I AM HASHEM YOUR G-D…” I am reality, the author of reality for you…I decide what is best for you! If we understand number ONE well then number TEN becomes a lot easier.
Are we really in competition with others? I remember that a friend of mine years back in Yeshiva, during breakfast time, was stirring some green soupy healthy food stuff, way before super foods became popular. Everyone else was eating toasted white bread with butter and cholesterol rich red milk and sugar in their caffeine loaded coffee.
A big guy leaned over my petite friend in an intimidating posture and said to him, “Do you think you are healthier than us!?” My friend looked up, undisturbed and brilliantly responded, “No, but I am healthier than I used to be!” We are competing against no one other than ourselves, our own potential, which is a fulltime job by itself. We have no time to waste trying to be like others, while working to become ourselves.
Finally, the verse says, and don’t be jealous of “all that is to your neighbor”. We see that big house but not the pressure to make payments. If we understood “ALL THAT IS TO YOUR NEIGHBOR”, we would happily choose our own lot, and celebrate it too, as the best for us!