This dvar Torah was adapted from the hashkafa (Jewish thought) portion of Rabbi Yissocher Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on Parshas Toldos: #1489 – Why Don’t Many Yeshivos Do Chazoras Hashatz for Mincha? Good Shabbos!

The pasuk in the beginning of Parshas Toldos says, “Vaye’etar Yitzchak l’Hashem lenochach ishto ki akora hee,” that Yitzchak davened for his wife, Rivka, ki akora hi, because she was barren. His tefilos were answered and Rivka became pregnant.

Rabbeinu Bachya makes a very interesting comment that really jumps out at us. The pasuk (verse) is really written backwards. What happened over here? Rivka was an akora (barren) and therefore Yitzchak davened for her. So the pasuk should say it like that. She was barren, and therefore Yitzchak davened for her. Yet the pasuk says the opposite. He davened because she was an akora. That’s putting the cart before the horse, so to speak. Rabbeinu Bachya says the reason why the tefilla (prayer) is mentioned first is because the tefilla is the ikur (primary).

This is an important yesod (fundamental principle): The infertility is not the reason to daven, because if that were so, the infertility would be the ikur and the tefilla would be secondary. Rather, the wording of the pasuk teaches that the tefilla is the reason for the infertility. That means that the Ribbono Shel Olam wanted Yitzchak to daven, and therefore he made her an akara. She was an akara only so that they would both daven about it.

Similarly, the Gemara asks, “Why were the Matriarchs barren?” The Ribbono Shel Olam wants the tefillos of tzaddikim and therefore he gives them a need to daven, and therefore they were infertile. It’s not the pshat (simple meaning), chas v’shalom (Heaven forbid) that the Ribbono Shel Olam is cruel: I want their tefillos, therefore I’ll make them akaros, therefore they need to daven.

Rather, Chazal are saying that the world needs tefilla. If we would have everything under the sun, if everything was great, if we were healthy, if we were wealthy, if we were wise, etc., then we wouldn’t daven. And the world needs tefilla. Therefore, the Ribbono Shel Olam gives us tzrachim (needs), whether it’s illness, whether it’s lack of parnassa (livelihood), whether it’s infertility or trouble with our children or shalom bayis (marital harmony). Tzorchei amcha merubim (The needs of Your people are many). Why? So that we should daven. That’s what tefilla is about. That’s how important tefilla is.

We see this from the very beginning of the Torah. The pasuk says that “every shrub of the field had not yet appeared on the earth.” When the Ribbono Shel Olam created the world, there was no vegetation, there was no grass, and there were no trees. They had not yet sprouted because Hashem had not caused it to rain upon the earth and there was no man to work the ground. Why was there no rain? Rashi says because there was no human being to work the ground and recognize the necessity of rain. A human being needs to need rain and therefore needs to ask for rain. Needs exist to inspire us to daven.

As we know, when everything’s going perfectly fine, we don’t daven as well. It’s only when things are not going so well that we really daven. That is what the Rabbeinu Bachya says in this week’s parsha.

Rav Shimshon Pincus, who was a nephew of Rabbi Weinberg, a tzaddik (righteous person), and a prolific baal machshavah (master of Jewish thought), says an amazing thing. He says that women have a tough life. Sometimes women don’t get married for quite some time. They pour their hearts out. After a woman gets married, sometimes she’s barren for several years. She pours her heart out. And then she has the tzar herayon (pain of pregnancy), tzar haleidah (pain of childbirth), and then there’s raising the children. Men may not have it easy, but we don’t have all of those things. So Rav Pincus writes that the reason for that is because Hashem wants women to daven. A man’s tachlis (purpose) in this world is Torah. A woman’s tachlis is her tefilla.

Therefore, the Ribbono Shel Olam made it that women have many more tzrachim for which to daven. Women have a much more difficult life so that they should use their needs to empower tefila and supplication, which is their role. It is a very interesting take on the difference between the lives of men and the lives of women.

What You Can Tell Your Spouse

I want to share with you another startling chiddush (novel insight). The pasuk says that Rivka said to Yitzchak: “I am disgusted with my life because of the daughters of Ches. If Yaakov takes a wife from the daughters of Ches like these, from the daughters of the land, what is life worth to me?” After the whole story with the bechora (birthright), Rivka says to Yitzchak, Yaakov needs to leave because I cannot be sovvel (bear) that he should marry a local girl from the bnos Ches.

The Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh writes the following ha’arah (insight). Yaakov needed to leave because Eisav was trying to kill him! Why didn’t she tell Yitzchak the truth? Why did Rivka say that Yaakov needs to leave in order to find a shidduch (marriage match)? He answers that Rivka did not want to reveal the truth to Yitzchak because of the prohibition of lashon hara (negative speech).

And that which she revealed the true reason to Yaakov was because there was a to’eles (constructive purpose) for Yaakov. On the contrary, she thereby fulfilled the mitzva of “Do not stand by your fellow’s blood.” So says the Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh. So what do you see? You see from this Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh that there’s an issur (prohibition of) lashon hara between a husband and a wife.

I’m sure, through the course of your marriage, when someone has done something very bad to you, you have been tempted to tell your wife. But you can’t because it’s lashon hara. In fact, the Chofetz Chaim paskens (rules) that way. Just like there’s an issur lashon hara from me to you, there’s an issur lashon hara from me to my wife.

I saw a startling chiddush (novel insight) from the Chazon Ish, brought down in the name of the sefer Ohm Ani Choma. The Chazon Ish says that if someone does something to you and it really pains and bothers you and you’re tsebrochen (brokenhearted) over it, you can tell your wife, because the role of a wife is to comfort the husband when he’s in pain, and vice versa.

However, the Chazon Ish says that if you’re stam (simply) telling your wife that the gabbai (synagogue sexton) gave you chamishi (the fifth aliyah) today, you’re only doing that for your kavod (honor). “Oh, he thinks I’m a chamishi? Does he know who I am?” You’re not tsebrochen over it, so there is no to’eles and you may not share it.

The Chazon Ish says that a husband and wife have an obligation to relieve each other’s pain and tzaros (troubles). When you are going around with an issue that dreit-zach (is turning over) in your stomach, you’re getting heartburn because it hurts you so much, who are you going to tell? The Chazon Ish says that you tell your wife, you tell your husband. Why? Not to bashmutz (smear) the person, but rather for the therapeutic benefit. That is a meshunedike (extraordinary) chiddush.

Giving Someone a Ray of Hope

Finally, I heard an incredible story this week in bein adam l’chaveiro (interpersonal conduct). It has nothing to do with the parsha, but it’s an incredible story. A couple had a young boy, nine years old, named Eliezer Lipa. Lo aleinu (may it never happen to us), he had a brain tumor. If I remember the story correctly, they were from Eretz Yisrael. They came to Columbia Hospital in New York for treatment.

They were in the hospital and then COVID hit. Because Eliezer Lipa was just a child, they couldn’t leave him alone in the hospital, so the rule was that each parent could stay with the child for an entire week, but they could not even leave the hospital room. The husband would stay for a week and then his wife would relieve him. Then she would stay for a week and he would come relieve her. Back and forth. And to say the least, this poor child was very sick.

The doctors don’t give up, but don’t have much hope. And on top of that, the parents are literally in jail. They can’t leave the room. Then one time, after the father finished his shift, he went back to the place where they were staying. He found a bag hanging on the doorknob. He assumed it’s another kugel. Neighbors send food, like kugels and cakes.

He opens up the bag and inside is a tefillin sekel, a tefillin bag with the boy’s name embroidered on it, Eliezer Lipa ben… whatever the full name was. There was a note that said that the tefillin are a gift to Eliezer Lipa, that im yirtzeh Hashem (if Hashem wills it) he should put on these tefillin by his bar mitzva.

The father told over that he received such chizuk (encouragement) from that. It represented a ray of hope. Someone went through the trouble of having a pair of tefillin written lishma, leshem (specifically for the sake of) this bochur (young man) that he should recover and put them on at his bar mitzva. He received such tremendous chizuk from that act.

Unfortunately, it was short-lived because the boy eventually did die. But for those precious moments, during which they were already thinking about his bar mitzva, the thought that maybe there’s a future provided tremendous chizuk for him and the family. The takeaway lesson is that when someone is down in the dumps, with feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, if you can give the person a ray of hope, it’s a tremendous mitzva, not only of gemilas chesed (acts of kindness), but also of nosei b’ol im chaveiro (sharing another’s burden) and being mechazek (strengthening) another Yid.

Dovid Hoffman; Baltimore, Maryland; [email protected]; Editor
David Twersky; Jerusalem; Editor Emeritus

This week’s write-up is adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissochar Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly Torah portion. View a full listing of the halachic portions for Parshas Toldos.

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Photo Credit: A man wearing a tallis and tefillin praying at the Western Wall, by israeltourism with CC BY 2.0 license, on Wikimedia Commons.