These divrei Torah were adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissocher Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly portion: #1435 – Paying a Worker on Time- A Mitzva D’Oraisah. Good Shabbos.
Believe In Yourself, and the Ribono Shel Olam Will Do Likewise
Parshas Ki Seitzei begins with two of the most mind-boggling sections of the Torah. First is the halacha of a yefas toar captured in war: A man captures a woman in war and falls in love with her. The Torah makes an exception to its normal rules of appropriate marriages. We have talked about yefas toar many times in the past and will not be discussing it again this week.
The second mind-boggling section at the beginning of Parshas Ki Seitzei is the ben sorer u’moreh (the “wayward and rebellious son”). A boy just past his thiteenth birthday is rebellious and doesn’t listen to his parents. He steals, and then eats a certain amount of meat, and drinks a certain amount of wine. The parents are commanded to bring him to beis din and complain about his behavior. Chazal say that this is a case of the Torah descending to the depths of the matter and prematurely proscribing the death penalty so that the boy will “die while yet innocent and not die when he is already guilty.” If we allow a lad with such tendencies to grow up, he will eventually become a murderous thief.
This is a very strange halacha, to the extent that there is a Talmudic opinion in Perek Ben Sorer U’moreh that such a case never occurred and will never occur. According to this opinion, these halachos were taught merely so that its Torah can be studied and expounded upon, thereby earning reward for those who learn it.
Anyone who learns the sugyos in Sanhedrin readily sees that the conditions that must be met for a child to become a ben soreh u’moreh are so far-fetched and overwhelming that it is virtually impossible to ever happen. That is how the Torah can make such a drastic statement (let him die innocently so that he not die when guilty). The parents need to be the same height and to have the same voice and must share many other requirements, such that “unlikely” does not even begin to describe the combination of all those conditions.
The Gemara in Sanhedrin mentions another detail about ben sorer u’moreh that makes the execution of such a boy even more improbable: A ben sorer u’moreh whose misdeeds are forgiven by his parents, is forgiven (i.e. – and not punished). Not only that, but if even one of the parents object, the beis din will not go through the aforementioned process. This too is very unusual. Normally, in cases of monetary debt, the party owed the money can be mochel, forgiving payment. However, when someone transgresses a negative commandment, there is no such forgiveness. A lav is a lav. “I don’t want to press charges anymore” is an American concept. It doesn’t exist in halacha. So, what does this mean?
Rav Elya Svei (1924-2009) shares a beautiful idea. The whole basis of ben sorer u’moreh is that the boy is beyond redemption. He is lost. But, Rav Elya Svei says, if one, and certainly if both, of the parents say “Don’t do it,” that means that there is still someone who believes in this boy. If there is someone who still believes in him, then he can, in fact, turn around. When the child sees “my father or mother, who otherwise remain flat against me and have not changed their minds, yet they still have faith in me,” there is yet hope. Once there is still hope, then the Torah’s prediction will not necessarily occur. That puts the matter into a wholly different perspective. Therefore, we drop the case.
Rav Elya continues and says that this concept of other people believing in a person is relevant regarding teshuva (repentance) as well. The Torah is indirectly teaching that as long as you still believe in yourself, there is hope. Rav Elya brings an incredible Medrash from Vayikra Rabbah. A sharecropper rents land from a landowner. The sharecropper has a terrible year. Everything failed and he made no money. He comes to the landowner and asks for a handout.
If he comes in nicely dressed, with his hair nicely combed, and a smile on his face and lies about the success of his agricultural efforts and then asks the landowner for a donation of ten dinarim, the landowner will say, “Certainly. I will give you twenty!” But if he comes in unkempt, looking like the end of the world is upon him and he tells the landowner how terrible it went, then it is highly unlikely that his request will be considered.
Does that make any sense? Why does the landowner treat this fellow who is lying through his teeth as though he were the most honest person in the world while the person who is honest is given nothing? Is the lesson that you should lie through your teeth? The lesson is that when the landowner sees that this person has confidence in himself, then he will likely believe in the person as well. Whereas, the person who presents as downtrodden and of broken spirit appears hopeless. “If you are hopeless, I am not going to put my money with you. You are a bad bet.”
Then the Medrash compares this to another “sharecropper.” That sharecropper is Dovid Hamelech. The Medrash says that Dovid Hamelech first came to the Ribono shel Olam and said, “The Heavens relate the Glory of G-d” and then he said, “And the deeds of His hand are spoken by the firmament” [Tehillim 19:2]. Dovid Hamelech enumerates all these praises of the Ribono shel Olam and then the Ribono shel Olam asked him what he wants.
Dovid Hamelech answered “Ribono shel Olam, I want you to be mochel (forgive) me.” The Ribono shel Olam says “I will be mochel you.” Why? When we come to the Ribono shel Olam and confess all our aveiros (sins), why should He be mochel us? The answer is that the Ribono shel Olam saw that Dovid Hamelech still believed in himself. He could still see the good and he could still see that “the heavens relate the glory of G-d.”
The Ribono shel Olam says “If you believe in yourself and you believe that you can have a better year, and you think that you can do proper teshuva, I am willing to extend you credit.” Just like the sharecropper, who in spite of all his setbacks still had a positive image of himself and believed in himself, such that his landowner was willing to grant him the money, that is the way it is with the Ribono shel Olam as well.
We are approaching the yom hadin in a year that has not been the greatest year. Perhaps many of us feel beaten down and feel that we have slipped. Nonetheless, so much really depends on our attitude about the future. If we believe in ourselves and we think the future can be better, the Ribono shel Olam will say, “Okay. I will also trust you.” But if we don’t trust in and believe in ourselves, then it will be hard for Him to believe in us as well.
Transcribed by David Twersky; Jerusalem [email protected]
Technical Assistance by Dovid Hoffman; Baltimore, MDÂ [email protected]
This week’s write-up is adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissochar Frand’s Commuter Chavrusah Series on the weekly Torah portion. A listing of the halachic portions for Parshas Ki Seitzei is provided below:
- #020 – Non-Halachic Marriage Ceremonies
- #065 – Polygamy and the Cherem of Rabbeinu Gershom
- #110 – Mamzeirus: Possible Solutions?
- #156 – Reconciling Divergent Customs Between Husband and Wife
- #203 – The Pre-War “Get”
- #250 – The Mitzvah of Ma’akeh
- #293 – “Get Me’useh”: The Prohibition of the “Forced Get”
- #339 – Shana Reshona: The First Year of Marriage
- #383 – The Mitzvah of Burial
- #427 – Trying on Suits that May Have Shatnes
- #471 – Autopsies on Non-Jews
- #515 – Women Wearing Men’s Clothing
- #559 – The Double Portion of the Be’chor
- #603 – Burying a Rasha Next to a Tzadik
- #647 – Ramps and Stages – Do They Need a Maakeh?
- #691 – Chassanah Minhagim
- #735 – Brachos in a Bathroom?
- #779 – Shehecheyanu at a Chasuna
- #823 – Tzar Ba’al Hachayim – Does It Apply to People?
- #867 – Dying Hair For Men – Asur or Mutar?
- #911 – Returning a Lost Pacifier
- #955 – The Un-Cancelled Stamp – Can You Re-use it?
- #998 – Making a Bracha for Building a Ma’akeh?
- #1042 – Dressing Up As A Woman for Chasunah Dancing and on Purim?
- #1086 – A Bracha for Shiluach Hakein?
- #1129 – The Ani Who Picked Up Your $20 bill
- #1171 – Dating Someone Before You Are Divorced?
- #1259 – Shiluach Hakain – On Shabbos? From Your Back Porch?
- #1303 – Is A Woman Allowed to Carry a Gun?
- #1347 – The Case of the Frail Grandfather and the Bracha Under the Chupa
- #1391 – Shalom Aleichem – Before or After Kiddush?
- #1435 – Paying a Worker on Time- A Mitzva De’oraisah
- #1479 – The Famous/Infamous Case of the Get of Cleeves
- #1523 – The Lesser of Two Evils? Autopsy Versus Cremation
- #1565 – Shana Rishono – First Year of Marriage: What You Must or Must Not Do
- #1605 – Can – Should Women Wear Tzizis?
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