“You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall surely rebuke your fellow, and not bear sin because of him.” [19:17]

In the Torah.org archives for Parshas Acharei Mos, there is an article I wrote which we entitled “It’s None of Your Business.” It’s about gossiping, and the basic lesson is, indeed, “keep your nose out of others’ business.” Don’t spy on others’ behavior and carry tales.

Here, in Parshas Kedoshim, we find what might seem an absolutely contradictory Commandment. If you see someone sinning, says the Torah, correct him!

Shouldn’t I keep my nose out of his business? Why should I even look at what he’s doing, much less go over to him and make a fight?

The first thing we must understand is that the Torah’s Commandment is most certainly not designed to create a fight. On the contrary. The Torah says “you shall not hate your brother” — this is your brother. Your approach must be one of love, brother to brother. And as for the rebuke, the word which we have translated “fellow” is “amisecha” — from the word “am,” “people.” This is a member of your people. The message is the same.

Rebbe Yehudah Leib, who became known as “the rebuker of Polnah,” said that a person who wishes to fulfill this Commandment needs to first look inside himself and see if he has any claims against the other person, any anger, any hint of irritation. If he does, then he cannot say anything. Only if he is clear in his heart that he does not hate his brother — then, and only then, can he approach that other person and correct him.

Even so, the idea of “correcting” someone else’s religious behavior can be troubling to modern minds. Why are another person’s religious choices my business at all?

So the second lesson here is that the Torah does not look at religion that way. It speaks about moral choices, about right and wrong. The Torah does not encourage arguing with others about matters of personal preference — it is referring only to its own objective standards for Jewish conduct.

Every day, we make choices. Some of those choices are, objectively, mistakes. We do the wrong thing. If someone comes over and says, “you know, you really shouldn’t smoke” or “I’m worried that you eat too much red meat,” is that person condemning your behavior? Is he or she expressing a “holier than thou” attitude?

While it depends on the person, the most likely answer is negative. That’s not the attitude at all. Rather, the person is saying, “I care about you. I like you. I would like you to remain in the world a couple of extra years, and I imagine you would too. So it pains me that you are doing something which, objectively speaking, is probably shortening your life.” We see from situations like these both that it is possible to correct someone from an attitude of love and caring, and furthermore that, put in proper perspective, it is easy for the recipient of this “rebuke” to see that love and concern.

That is what the Torah is asking for. The Torah gives us methodologies for coming closer to G-d. If someone else is missing a “golden opportunity,” then failing to point it out is not caring. Failing to make it more visible could well demonstrate a lack of love.

This brings us to the end of the verse: “and not bear sin because of him.” Rabbi Aryeh Leib Nathanson says that this arises from the principle that “all of Israel is intertwined one with the other.” If another person is making a mistake, it is your mistake too. Again, the point is the same — you have to care. It is your business, because the welfare of every member of your people is your concern. Only one who truly loves and cares for every other person is capable of properly fulfilling this mitzvah — and that is the obligation which the Torah places upon us.

May we all strive to reach that level of love and caring!