And an angel of HASHEM found her by a water fountain in the desert, by the fountain on the road to Shur. And he said, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where are you coming from, and where are you going to?” And she said, “From before Sarai my mistress, I am fleeing. And the angel of HASHEM said to her, “Return to your mistress, and allow yourself to be afflicted under her hands.” (Breishis 16:6-9)

When Hagar was fleeing from Sarai, she met up with a Malach HASHEM, an angel who gave us a marvelous diagnostic psychological tool. He asked her two questions; 1) “Where are you coming from?” and 2) “Where are you going to?” She answered only one, “from before Sarai my mistress, I am fleeing.” So, the Malach advised her to return to Sarai, her mistress, and submit herself.

Usually when a person is only running from and they don’t know where they are going to, there is some unfinished business in the place where they are fleeing from and lessons to be learned. There is a great likelihood that whatever the problem was, will follow them wherever they go, and that difficult relationship will repeat itself over and over again.

Sometimes, as a principal, I have had a child come into my office all defensive and actively denying that he had done anything wrong, and pointing fingers and blaming, and deflecting.
I have a very effective strategy that I have used very often to get to the heart of the matter. I will tell the child, “I was not there and I do not know what happened but let’s figure this thing out together. First of all, you are not in trouble!” (The child relaxes somewhat but remains skeptical) “Let me explain please. If you learn something from what happened today and from being here, then today was a very good day because you learned something important. If you don’t learn anything then you are in trouble, but you are not in trouble with me.

You are in trouble with yourself, because what happened is likely to happen again and repeat itself until you learn what needs to be learned. Whatever happened, happened here in school and the consequences are minimal, but someday you will be a married man, with children, and you will have in-laws and a boss. Let’s not wait till then to figure this out. Let’s begin to explore together!”

A person only “fleeing from”, will run out of steam on the journey. Avraham and his father Terach led a mission to the Land of Israel at the end of Parshas Noach, and it came up short, because they were only fleeing persecution in Ohr Kasdim. Later, Avram was told by HASHEM, “Go to (or for) yourself, from your land, and from your birthplace, and from your father’s house, to the land that I will show you.” (Breishis 12:1)

That command has both elements of “from” and “to”. Dovid HaMelech, with all his wisdom tells us this formula, “Turn from bad and do good – seek peace and pursue it.” Sometimes when a person is only running “from” then, when they are distant enough “from” then they begin to float directionless and lose motivation and momentum. “FROM” is insufficient! So, getting up and just going somewhere won’t help until we first graduate from “here”.

The greatest feature in Avraham’s success can perhaps be understood by way of analogy. Many children’s games have important life skills and lessons hidden within them. “Mother May I” is a classic. Mother may I take one giant step forward. If mother says you may, then you may. If mother does not say you may, then, if you take a step you have to go back and wait for mother to say so. Avraham’s first mission fell short because HASHEM did not say so. Then, when HASHEM told Avraham Avinu Lech Lecha, to go, he went and we keep on going because HASHEM said so!